Check, Please!


Good evening, everyone

How are we today?

Can I get you a drink?

Tea or lemonade?


Water, no lemon

Two Sprites, light ice

Oh, you have Pepsi products?

I guess that will suffice.


My angel toddler will have

--Stop throwing that! Sit up!

He wants mac and cheese

And apple juice, in the kid cup.


My teenage daughter

How pretty is she?

Just glued to her cell phone

Disconnected as can be.


She'll have the chicken caeser

Dressing on the side

Makes sure it looks nice

So she can post it online


I'll have the garden salad

Does that come with cheese?

No tomatoes, onions, peppers, olives, lettuce, chicken, bacon bits........

Oh and extra dressing please!


My dear husband isn't here yet

But I'm sure he'll have a beer!

What is on draft? All that?

Oh I'll just wait til he gets here!


Won't you please hurry

And ring in our food?

When angel toddler gets hungry

He takes on a foul mood.


Of course I can ma'am

I have nothing else to do

I'll ignore my others five tables

And just focus on you!


They need runners in the kitchen

They need ranch at 42

I've got drinks to pick up

And pre-bussing to do!


Oh dear, angel toddler!

You've spilled your drink!

Please get him a new one

Quick as a wink


Twenty-minute ticket times

Forty on wait

Still need runners in the kitchen

But I burned my hand on your plate.


Excuse miss, excuse me

But where is our meal?

We've waited so long!

Can we get some kind of deal?


So sorry ma'am, no

You see we're busy right now

If you wanted faster service

You should have worn your crown.


Excuse me, waitress, hey!

It's so important, please!

Can I get even more ranch

For my fries and cheese?


Of course, fat sir

Where was my mind?

I only gave you three ranches

When you clearly wanted five.


Oh miss, oh waitress

My husband is finally here!

Can you tell him the specials, read him the menu

And list for him your beer?


My name is being screamed

From behind the kitchen doors

But I cannot leave to get your food

Til you choose Bud or Coors.


At last you have your meal!

Now what else do you desire?

If you ask me for ketchup one more time

Tonight I may get fired.


Yes refills are free

And of course the wings are fried

I cannot recall what the house tequila is

Just order your drink and be quiet.


At last the clock strikes

Closing time is near

But we still have camping tables

That are talking and nursing beer.


Get out, I say, get out!

I've things to do tonight!

I stare and groan to make you leave

I try with all my might.


So many dishes, so much trash

Yet not a helping hand.

The cooks have left their dishes for me

The laziest in the land.


I close my cards, I print my slip

I count my money and pray

Is all this bullshit really worth

The stress at the end of the day?


I trudge to my car, sit in the seat

Ponder going out for a drink

But instead I go home, take off my smelly clothes

And into my bed I sink.


I think of my day and recall my shift

And relax as much as I can

But something is wrong, what did I forget?

Shit.. I forgot to get Fat Sir more ranch..



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