Check, Please!
Location
Good evening, everyone
How are we today?
Can I get you a drink?
Tea or lemonade?
Water, no lemon
Two Sprites, light ice
Oh, you have Pepsi products?
I guess that will suffice.
My angel toddler will have
--Stop throwing that! Sit up!
He wants mac and cheese
And apple juice, in the kid cup.
My teenage daughter
How pretty is she?
Just glued to her cell phone
Disconnected as can be.
She'll have the chicken caeser
Dressing on the side
Makes sure it looks nice
So she can post it online
I'll have the garden salad
Does that come with cheese?
No tomatoes, onions, peppers, olives, lettuce, chicken, bacon bits........
Oh and extra dressing please!
My dear husband isn't here yet
But I'm sure he'll have a beer!
What is on draft? All that?
Oh I'll just wait til he gets here!
Won't you please hurry
And ring in our food?
When angel toddler gets hungry
He takes on a foul mood.
Of course I can ma'am
I have nothing else to do
I'll ignore my others five tables
And just focus on you!
They need runners in the kitchen
They need ranch at 42
I've got drinks to pick up
And pre-bussing to do!
Oh dear, angel toddler!
You've spilled your drink!
Please get him a new one
Quick as a wink
Twenty-minute ticket times
Forty on wait
Still need runners in the kitchen
But I burned my hand on your plate.
Excuse miss, excuse me
But where is our meal?
We've waited so long!
Can we get some kind of deal?
So sorry ma'am, no
You see we're busy right now
If you wanted faster service
You should have worn your crown.
Excuse me, waitress, hey!
It's so important, please!
Can I get even more ranch
For my fries and cheese?
Of course, fat sir
Where was my mind?
I only gave you three ranches
When you clearly wanted five.
Oh miss, oh waitress
My husband is finally here!
Can you tell him the specials, read him the menu
And list for him your beer?
My name is being screamed
From behind the kitchen doors
But I cannot leave to get your food
Til you choose Bud or Coors.
At last you have your meal!
Now what else do you desire?
If you ask me for ketchup one more time
Tonight I may get fired.
Yes refills are free
And of course the wings are fried
I cannot recall what the house tequila is
Just order your drink and be quiet.
At last the clock strikes
Closing time is near
But we still have camping tables
That are talking and nursing beer.
Get out, I say, get out!
I've things to do tonight!
I stare and groan to make you leave
I try with all my might.
So many dishes, so much trash
Yet not a helping hand.
The cooks have left their dishes for me
The laziest in the land.
I close my cards, I print my slip
I count my money and pray
Is all this bullshit really worth
The stress at the end of the day?
I trudge to my car, sit in the seat
Ponder going out for a drink
But instead I go home, take off my smelly clothes
And into my bed I sink.
I think of my day and recall my shift
And relax as much as I can
But something is wrong, what did I forget?
Shit.. I forgot to get Fat Sir more ranch..