Change.

You wanted me to change.

I tried to work on my issues so that you would be happy. 

You never loved my flaws,

Never loved me for who I was..

Even when you said you did.

 

Love.

I loved you.

I cared about you.

I gave you my all.

I gave you everything.

 

Cheat.

You cheated on me multiple times,

But I kept giving you the benefit of the doubt.

I gave you chances on chances to prove yourself..

And you said you couldn't give me one more chance?

After I've given you so many?

 

Lies.

You always lied to me.

I always tried to ignore it,

Tried to believe you.

Because I just wanted to believe that you changed

Because I loved you..

 

Hurt.

Every chance you got, 

You hurt me.

Straight shot me in the heart multiple times,

Like it was fun to you.

Seeing me squirm under your "control".

 

Money.

You always asked me to buy you things.

Not all the time, but you still did.

After I told you that I was struggling with not finding a job.

Yes, I did buy stuff for me.

That's because even though I don't have a job or much money, it's still my money.

 

Change.

Every time I messed up

"I don't know if I can do this anymore.."

Do you know how much those 9 words hurt the most?

When you know you've tried your hardest to be better,

And you're still not enough?

 

Love.

Did you even love me?

I bought you things.

Maybe not what you WANTED.

But what you NEEEDED.

That's a lot better than buying what you want.

 

Cheat.

You cheated on me even when we were having problems, even when we weren't.

You didn't even try to talk through things with me.

"I love you" were your words after a few hours of not talking to me.

Ignored what happened a few hours earlier.

Then to find out you were flirting with some other girl online during those few hours.

 

Lies.

"I'll never cheat on you, I promise."

"It's going to be different this time, I promise."

"I'll never leave you because of your issues."

"I know these issues are not your fault and you can't control it, so I forgive you."

"I'll never leave you for someone else."

 

Hurt.

I bought you a damn gun to prove myself to you.

You told me if I did, you'd talk to me about us again.

You'd show up to my house to talk through things.

You didn't even wanna show up.

You wanted to keep the gun though.

 

Money.

I cried every night because I didn't have a job.

I cried to you that I didn't have a job.

You reassured me and said you'd always be there.

But then would make jokes about me buying you things,

After I told you about the struggles of not having a job.

 

Change.

If you loved me, you wouldn't tell me to "change".

You'd love me for me.

I loved you for you, despite all the stuff you've put me through.

Maybe you were the one who should've changed,

Instead of making me feel like I was worthless and needed to change.

 

Love.

I knew everything about you.

I worried about you, and I always tried to make sure you made good decisions.

But you never wanted to listen and always thought I was trying to control you.

I only was so proud of how far you've come, and I just wanted to make sure you didn't take any steps backwards.

I know how you struggled in the past, and I just couldn't bare to see you go through it again.

 

Cheat.

When you cheated?

I didn't even know about it until 2 months later.

I even asked you about it, and you acted like you had no idea what I was talking about.

It wasn't until the girl sent me screenshots of your conversation

That you tried apologizing and telling me that it didn't mean anything.

 

Lies.

"No, it didn't mean anything, I swear.. I won't do it again."

"I know you have trust issues, and it isn't your fault. It's mine."

"I love you."

"I love you and only you."

 

Hurt. 

I tried my hardest for you.

But you never once saw it.

My flaws, my flaws, my flaws..

All you could see.

 

Money.

It was my money. 

I bought stuff for me.

I didn't always have to buy everything you wanted.

You didn't understand how I got anxious when I spent money for other people.. Because it was a certain price and I didn't have a job to make that price again.

But when I bought things for myself, I was careful. I paid attention to what I was buying and how much I was spending. But you NEVER once saw that. I just never wanted to buy you anything is what you kept saying.

 

Done.

I'm done.

I give up on trying to please you.

You never saw me without my flaws,

You didn't see my progress,

Therefore..

You don't deserve me.