I don't like to admit to anybody

Not even myself

The dark thoughts that I have

They fester

They lurk

They're Irrational, but they seem to make so much sense

If I killed myself, I wouldn't miss you anymore

If I killed you, loving you wouldn't hurt so much

If I killed myself you'd really miss me

 

"Give in" they say

And with every second that passes, they win

As they unravel my consciousness, I become vulnerable

The darkness creeps further into the light

She still has my heart, I'm only a shell now

A human shaped monster

I can't fight back

They tell me I'm crazy

They tell me to open the door

 

I can see myself walking, slowly through the gloom

This all too familiar place inside of myself

Dark green walls, cobbled smooth floors

I continue on, the whispers grow louder

As the cold stone portal comes into view

I attempt to remember its construction

It was carefully crafted in the back of my mind on sleepless nights

The voices built it.

 

The whispering echoes along the walls of my skull

They tell me to just let go, let them takeover

Things will be fine

So vividly, my shaking hand reaches for the lock

 

Infinite suffering, His life flashes:

Nervous feelings

Shared bowls

Soft lips

Intertwined bodies

I love you

Tears

Loneliness

Rejection

Distance

Emptiness

 

It’s too late

He couldn't stop if he wanted to

And as he steps through the door;

Abyss

It consumes him

It devours the light

No more memories, no more pain

Happiness sacrificed, misery alleviated

I feel nothing, less than nothing

And in that nothingness, he feels relief

More relief than this miserable fucking life could have ever brought to him.