She is the voice who calms the waters within me. The voice who soothes the waves that are building up to that disastrous tsunami, ready to destroy anything or anyone in my path.

 

Her words being the force that takes away my breath rather than using my lungs to generate that cyclone ready to inflict further damage.

 

Damage towards others and myself.

 

Most of my life I have been running, much like river running deep. The color of the water dark not only from contamination, but from the depth of the unknown below. Things meant to be hidden lay in the riverbed buried over time.

 

Something about her makes me want to change all of that.

 

I have lived in way that was me, against everyone. Nobody was to dwell in my waters, my defenses ready to drown on sight. Sink any ships wishing to explore the horizons or drowning those who ventured trying to figure me out.

 

Woe to all who have seen the wrath of the seas within me.

 

The more I look around in this lonely world, the more I see more of her in me.

 

She is already the voice who can calm the waters.

 

The force who takes my breath away before I can destroy.

 

Looking up, I see her up in the skies as well.

 

Her eyes being the stars that shine bright and even the moon that pushes and pulls the tides in my inner being.

 

The more I see her, the more she becomes a part of it all.

 

Her smile has the power to shift the plates and create mountains in such a way that baffles me.

 

Standing on top of it, I see things from a different angle and a new perspective.

 

I thought I could hide away from it all.

 

Retreat into the underwater caves where none would look to find.

 

No matter how hard I try to swim,

 

No matter how fast I swim,

 

She is the riptide that engulfs me and pulls me in.

 

I can try to resist her pull she has on me. The grip she holds and won’t let go.

 

But it would all be such a waste.

 

You see, she not only pushes and pulls me to her…

 

She has a hold of my emotions I prefer to keep in the dark below.

 

It is this beautiful undertow that reaches within me and tends to take the best out.

 

And when the fear of all these new things cloud my mind and my sight…

 

Her words will light it all up and make it much clear.

 

Much like a lighthouse, it will help me steer clear of these rocks placed there to sink me and send me into the unknown.

 

Should I fall overboard whether it was intentional or by accident…

 

It her compassion that will keep me afloat.

 

Much like a raft or a life-buoy.

 

All these new emotions leave me standing on this cliff, ready for me to dive into this new and exciting adventure.

 

I watch the waves crash, slowly dying out into a calm current.

 

One would think such a side would be a suicide attempt seeing the rocks I could hit on the way down.

 

This is not suicide I am attempting.

 

It is a risky decision I know is worth making.

 

Maybe I am crazy.

 

Maybe I am brave.

 

Maybe I am stupid.

 

Perhaps even all of the above.

 

Looking up at the sky and seeing how much she already has become a part of my world, I close my eyes and count down until I take this leap.

 

Five.

 

My defenses once heightened around her, slowly drop and die out.

 

Four.

 

Her words, smile, eyes, and beauty in all aspects slowly form into the undertow ready to catch me below.

 

Three.

 

Her warmth wraps me in a blanket as the tropical winds push me closer to the edge.

 

Two.

 

My breathing shakes, fear slowly freezing the waters. But it is too late to turn back now.

 

One.

 

With my back towards the water, I lean over the cliff.

 

I almost feel as if I am flying, diving into this new and foreign concept.

 

Her being is in that undertow, ready to catch me.

 

She takes me into that riptide and pulls me to her.

 

I will no longer fight it all.

 

I stare up at the surface for what feels like hours. Gazing into what lies below, seems nearly impossible because she lets the light shine and hit at a depth she allows me to see.

 

To feel.

 

This person once banished and cast away is learning what it feels like to be in the company of her kind.

 

One I cannot and will not take for granted.

 

She pulls me to the surface, filling my lungs with crisp air.

 

However something is different about air I breathe. The sounds of this place or the way the horizon looks.

 

I hope to one day take her to the uncharted places I tend to keep hidden. The underwater caves I am used to hiding in.

 

Maybe even that special place I have set aside, just for her.

 

But for now, it will remain unknown to her until the time is right.

 

Should she know where that place is, my thoughts, feelings, or more than what I lead on…

 

Perhaps it will shatter the delicate world I live in.

 

I can try my best to hide it all from her.

 

Which I know will only leave me in fault because this beautiful riptide pulling me is different.

 

She is different.

And it is the difference that makes it worth it.