Listening to Christina Perri's song human relating to it too much.
Why do I fit this mold? Why do I shoulder it all?
I'm not strong enough. I'm going to break. Angry. Hysterical. Crazy.
I go through motions in my head making stories and alternate endings hoping they come true.
But they don't.
I'm stuck in this one. This verse.
I'm destined to play this role and play it well.
I take all the blame.
All the responsibility.
All the shame.
I sit in the shadows waiting,
waiting to be called upon.
"Fake that smile.
Play that game.
Make me look good.
Do it."
I wait longer, hoping for the affection I deserve.
It doesn't come.
I'm shaking, I'm too afraid. Stay away demons!
It's not time to come out. I must play the game.
The game that continues.
The game that steals my humanity.
My soul.
My belonging.
I'm waiting again, waiting.
When will it end?
If I come back will you be changed?
Gone?
Both. You always change, for the worse.
I can never grab hold and stay. Hurricane