Bumbling Poetry
Becoming a poet was kind of an accident
Like everything, I bumbled and fumbled
And somehow landed where I am now.
It started with stumbling over a meeting
In the library with a couple people I knew
--Poetry—
They said and I laughed
When I thought poetry,
I thought sad, sad girls, and greasy haired boys
Writing like they lost Lenore
Despite being fifteen and allowance takers
--Poetry—Really?
Yet I had a little book of them leftover
From an original attempt at Speech and Debate
So I tossed it into the contest pile
While helping teachers compile the other
Entries for some fair.
--Poetry—Really?—I won?
First place in a fair, ribbon and all?
I don’t remember winning anything else before
Maybe there was something about this
Something I could get people to look at
What a selfish thought I know.
--Poetry—Really?—I won?—Yes
I was the middle finger of five children
With a mother that couldn’t stand me
With a father that crushed me with expectations
That he didn’t know how to help me with
I was unhappy, un-medicated, and angry
Poetry—Really—I won?—Yes—Help
Suddenly, poetry was what kept me above water
Even when writing short stories failed
This same concept I laughed at years before
And dreaded when mentioned in poetry class,
But they never talked about Ginsberg there
Poetry—Really—I won?—Yes—Help—Envy
I had trouble learning to read and write
And had to work harder at it than everyone else
But after a rough start I just got rolling
I was always reading and always writing
But I always envied the naturals.
Poetry—Really—I won?—Yes—Help—Doubt
I question it every day, even as I write
Is this really what I should be doing
There’s a world to see, places to go,
And yet I lock myself in my room and thoughts
But without it, maybe my heart would stop
Poetry—Really?—I won?—Yes—Help—Envy—Doubt—Love
I haven’t found love yet
I still feel starved for it sometimes
So love poems are out of the question
For the time being I won’t write them
I can’t write love poems, but I love poems
Poetry—Really—I won?—Yes—Help—Envy—Doubt—Love—Finish.