Build me up

 

At the end of the day, I don’t know who to turn to, and i mean,

It’s not that i don’t trust you, even though I do have trust issues,

I don't want to be the one who destroys you,

At the end of the day i blame myself, i know its not healthy, but the truth is,

I can’t blame nobody else, and no matter how many times you tell yourself,

That no one is at fault, won’t change the past, or the pain that sits on my heart,

The morning my brother died, who is really at blame, the gun, the words, or maybe,

Just the arrow that is pointing down at my face,

If i just didn’t stand there, if i would have talked my brother, phone calls or text,

Because family is supposed to look out for each other, maybe he would still be here,

Maybe my mother wouldn’t cry, for two sons all in one lifetime,

I know is wrong to give myself all this blame, but doesn’t help feeling the shame,

I try to help everyone, because i can’t help myself, and i know this, it just,

From time to time, i have these crazy dreams, the devil must be working hard,

Because he using everything against me, demons, spirits, friends to,

Lovers, forgotten moments, and the past giving me de-ja-vu.

Who am i to blame for all the time i spent, searching for love, or a partner, or friend,

I help many people, reach the love of their life, it was simple really, just small advice,

Be there for her, make her laugh, show her you care, that together you too can last,

But for me, it is never that case, just tears, unforgettable apologies, and time wasted.

The one time that i thought, the love was true, the feeling were shared between the too,

I would drive down just to see her, do anything to reach her, waste my time for her,

At the end, the joke was on me, just like always but with a even more sad end,

When i asked WHAT ARE WE, she said I GUESS FRIENDS, showing that nothing i did,

Even mattered, just thoughts in my head, creative disaster, it’s not chivalry that is dead,

But finding a decent woman who cares for chivalry more than money and looks,

Is a preconceived idea, imaginary solution or hope, that is in my head.

Now i truly don't know what to say, to a lady that comes my way,

Ask do you see a future in me, or possible anything, it you want to break my heart,

well , here the hammer, my heart is just glass, that is cracked and shattered,

Sorry that some pieces are missing, like understanding, learning, and unforgiving,

The got lost in the wind blow, but it's okay if you hurt me some more,

I been destroyed so many times i don't seem to feel, but will come back if that your will,

At the end of the day, i am just a man, with a future, with a plan,

To help those in need, and only blame myself, to try to be humble, and fall in love,

Just to have my heart torn out, smashed, stepped on, destroyed, but never worn out/