What is this world I live in? A strange place whose inhabitants bicker and hate only to lust after one another? A land of bemusement synonymous with hatred? I have felt all, lost all, for what? A semblance of philosophical enlightenment under the guise of madness? Or perhaps just the antithesis thereof. Magic has died, only to be replaced with instinctual billboard illusionment. There is no law within the human mind, no order. Simply a husk of a soul. Cranial flesh brimming with chaos understood not even by the few savants left alive. Genius is in the eyes. Simultaneously windows and telescopes, exits and entrances, filled with love and hate but never, never holding curiosity. A world that does not outlaw speaking your mind, but simply programs you not to. It is a new breed of evil I alone seem to face. I feel alone in these thoughts. I want both to be left alone to live and dream in solitude, and to relish in the ashes of this hedonistic pit f blindness I call the world. I love the world and all its creatures. Yet simultaneously despise what we have become. I long not to kill, merely to show people the reality behind what they would call disillusionment. Awaking everyday with a light inside my skull, shadowed in doubt, trapped in a world that markets darkness. We, as a species, have taken progress, technology, knowledge, potential beyond all human comprehension, and traded it for money. In the name of what great superiority? Economy? Power? What fools have sold their integrity and what deviant puppet masters have purchased their souls? What is our great agenda? We have lost ourselves, believing that chemical pleasures can not only garner, but sustain our happiness? I cannot fathom that this is all we become but I fear our hearts to be not beating, but blistering, not oscillating, oozing, rotting within our chests. Seeking test scores high enough to bequeath us entries into universities, universities attended not for our own happiness or enlightenment, but to gain us enough financial stability that we may one day have enough money not to be called mad, not to be looked down upon. I cannot live in my own mind any longer. I cannot live in this world any longer. I cannot break my oath to go on living. Is this pain, this duality, this broken paradox, not broken for what it is, but for where it lies, is this immortality?