doing a couple of things I shouldn't

by ignoring the few things I should

shouldn't be reading lyric analysis 

because I should be filling out my college applications and studying for my Gov test

shouldn't be starving myself because, well, that's bad

breakfast is all I can make

it's kind of sad

I felt like I was going to pass out

so I rushed to kitchen

to make breakfast in aggression

I was cooking breakfast around 4:36

& then I found out dinner was in the fridge

but it doesn't matter 

I'm going to need dinner

15 minutes later

because my metabolism makes the satisfaction fade faster

"oh my God you're so skinny it's not fair!"

but you don't understand it's how I was born coupled with the fact that I don't take good care

of myself:

of my skin

of my insides

of my hair

& I wonder if it's because of my complex

being told I'm so skinny, I've got clear skin & nice hair because it's all a contest

how often is a compliment a compliment

& not covert self-defacing

how often do they look in the mirror & see what I see?

they all think I've got it all

but I can't stand to feel stupid

I don't try to fix it

I wallow in hatred

& scour at my ignorance

I don't know how to my laundry or my hair

that's what's not fair

but I know it's my fault

but I told you I can't stand to feel stupid

so I put my progression to a halt

I've got straight A's but I can't whip up much more than eggs

lunch is confusing

dinner is unfathomable

breakfast is all I can make