Note: Untitled note
The unpleasant smell of pencil shavings and Windex spray fills my senses
I see A white board
The words, "Socialization time" written in pine green expo marker
I look down
I'm sitting in a wooden desk
where am I?
"why are you so quiet?" "you dont talk much" "say something" "whats wrong with you?"
Oh, i remember now
Outside, looking in
We've been paired up
"Describe your partner in one word"
"How exactly will this improve my comprehenson skills?", I recall thinking to myself in that moment
Some things just don't change
Unless you change them
"What are you so afraid of?"
Same response every time
"I don't know"
I did, but it took me a while to realize
Fast forward a year
"You're so funny", that's what they said
"You're still scared", that's what I heard
"Word of advice: Converse isn't spelled with a k, tell dollar general to give you a refund"
The crowd goes wild
"That used to be you", the icy calm voice whispers to me with disgust
My smile fades
Face now expressionless
The words stuck on repeat in my head, volume rising steadily into a harsh scream
The Faint sound of laughter heard vaguely in the background
But I'm too dazed to join them
I'm Stuck in my head
Still fighting a losing battle with my conscience
My stupor is only broken by the sight of the boy's tear strucken face
The memory slowly fades
6 months have passed since you made a discovery
Realization of what you feared the most
You're quiet again , except not out of fear
This time content that you know the truth
No longer keeping secrets from yourself
Not yet confident , but no longer fearful
You sit there reading the captivating words of the book that changed your life
Whether by the unseen presence of fate or god, something miraculous happened
the two words that now serve as an everyday reminder for you apperared on the page
That was the heads up for my first test
"Do us all a favor and buy some deodorant, you smell like you just walked out of a slaughterhousehouse."
"You don't know what people go through at home, he probably can't get stuff like you can."
The words tumble out of my 12 year old mouth before I can stop them
The chastiser gives me a strange look before turning towards his audience
Seconds later the group breaks out into hysterics, obviously a result of the fool's remarks
Before I have a chance to feel regret, the victim approached me
"Thanks, you didn't have to do that", accompanied by a shy smile
I didn't deliver justice, but I was rewarded one small victory
I made a friend for life that day
Fast forward yet again
It's present day
I'm in my room scavenging for scholarships online
Then I see it
"I am..Scholarship Slam"
My fingers seem to move on their own accord
No longer do I have that fear
The fear of judgement
The fear that at one time consumed me
The fear that still consumes the world
The fear that I had one time become
That's no longer me
I'm someone different with old qualities
Im still quiet
I'm still content
Some things just don't change
But I knew I needed a change, so I made one
A change that I'm forever greatful for
Now I am Brave.