I love you

Did you know?

I see you every morning 

Between my eyelids 

Right before I forget 

My dreams 

You lie next to me

Smiling 

Into my pillows

Pillows I never use

But I keep them just for you

I wash my pillow case

Just in case

You’d like a fresh one 

To lay on one day

Years pass and I still smell the scent of you

My crazy mind

Making fun of me

Taunting me

With flowers and faces 

That smell like you

Look like you

As if I still know what you

Smell like

Look like

But then how could I ever truly forget?

I drove 3 hours to see you once...

Twice...

Three times maybe...

You asked me to come

The first two times

I was so excited 

Just to see you

Maybe hold you

Maybe kiss your cheek

Maybe grow old loving you 

If you ever let me

You stood me up both times

And apologized once

And I knew I should have let

You fall from my brain

And I did

Almost

I thought I had

I almost had

But for a year or two I held this feeling 

I couldn’t explain it

I couldn’t tell it

I had no way of knowing what it was

Until I ended up in your city again

I think I...

Accidentally... 

Wanted to see you again

And then I knew...

I still loved you

And it wasn’t going away just like that

And I couldn’t live with you looming over me just like that

I had to see you

To get rid of you

But I knew you wouldn’t let me see you ever again...

So I took your face from my mind

And I drew it

I took your lips and drew them over in ink

Scribbles and rounds...

Again

And again

And more times

Until your lips 

Were just lips

Beautiful 

But lacking magic

And now?

I take your words from my head and I write them down

I mix them in with my feelings 

A bit mangled

I’m sure

Irrational 

To a T

But I write them out in all their irrational glory

In sonnets

Sometimes

Poetry

Mingled with apologies 

All of it mixed in with insanity 

I write you away from me

Every day

Every time

I wake up to you

Lying on my pillow case

Between my sunken eyelids

I write you away with every outtake of breath

I imagine you breathing next to me

A beautiful stream of poetic

Excrement

That teaches me

Every day

To love you less