i told you she didn’t love you (because i did.)

in the car on the way back from the movies, you started crying. sort of because i was singing that song.

Maybe because we knew that there was more. Maybe because you knew She was going to call.

but then we were home and She was texting you

You said you would text me once the movie ended (you had to ask for her permission to see your friends) not when you got back to her house. What’s her address? I’m going to go to your mom’s house. I’m going to wake her up and tell her what you’re doing with that slut. (She kept calling, only to hang up). Call me back when you’re done fucking her. If you really loved me you would leave this instant.

that is when i knew i had to tell you: “marvin, do you ever think you might be in an abusive relationship?” 

i should’ve said it sooner. but you were basically a stranger (no you weren’t), i had only known you for four months. 

Why didn’t anyone say anything? over those five off and on years

I didn’t tell you (I cheated on you...again) Because I love you, and didn’t want to hurt you

we sat perched on my couch

always hovering in that almost-too-close space 

it vibrated with this red hot awareness that we kept pushing down 

as i read you what i think was a cosmo article titled, “__ signs you’re in an abusive relationship”

“Oh Shit”—a realization

i knew, even before then, that i would wait

a lot of love is waiting

but when you were ready, i was there too

A few months later:

how cheesy, it was after prom and we were driving home. almost there, i started singing that song again (the same one from that night).

and we both started crying. you parked and i looked over at you and i knew i had to say it.

there would be no more “i realllly reallly realllly like you” ... no!

so i spat it out: “I Think I Love You” 

and when you kissed me and said the words back i remembered all the things i do

Because I Love You 

​i knew i had to convince you that you are more profound than all the planets you dream about.

that your brown eyes, so boring in your eyes, were the most enticing, true thing i’ve ever seen

i held your hand in the museum, knowing it wasn’t the art that had me gawking

i entertained the thought of watching The Terminator, let you choose the music in the car

i text you to have a good day each morning

and when those nasty people stare at us in Home Depot, us an ~interracial couple~ in the suburbs, i stare them down because they have no right to make you feel lesser. they have no idea that you are the sun and i am the moon, merely reflecting your light, the love you have given me.  

i let you have space, a freedom you never knew

but i’m always there at the end of the day to hold and cry into. i don’t think anyone had really let you cry before

Because I Love You

​i know that one day (too soon), we will both go off to college

and i will have to let you go

and we will both be the greatest. even without me you are the greatest.

i hope that i have taught you that. i know that i have taught you that. 

Hopefully you’ll know that i will always love you, even the boring days and the bits you don’t like. 

but hopefully you will know that you are worth the world

and not just Because I Love You.