Are You Even A Christian


Are You Even A Christian?  
You are sitting here waving your bibles in my face 
You are sitting here wearing your gold crosses. 
But are you even a Christian? 
Who are you when you are alone in your room? 
Or when you are at school with your bros or your gals? 
Who are you when you get in your car? 
Who are you when you are arguing with your mom or dad?
Who are you? 
When things go wrong who do you blame? 
When things are going right who are you praising? 
Who's on your mind when things are neutral? 
Are you even a Christian? 
Is your bible waving doing you any good or are you doing it for show. 
Does your 14 K gold cross around your neck actually mean something or is it a fashion statement? 
But are you even a freaking Christian. 
Do you go to church because it looks good or because you want the teachings? 
What are you even doing with your life? 
Who is your main focus.
What are you doing? 
Because I'm writing this and i am thinking.
Am I a Christian? 
Am I real? 
Am I a Christian? 
Why is my bible sitting on the shelf collecting dust? 
Why is my heart hard? 
Why do I hate? 
Why can't I see the good in people? 
Why can't i trust them? 
Maybe it was you. 
Maybe it was your horrid 'games' 
Maybe I thought that God would save me from your dumb 'doctor exams' but no, 
I sat through the check ups, 
You saying I was a good girl for sitting still. 
I don't know if you remember but I do. 
My body hold on to the memories like they will some how hurt you. 
I'm drinking poison and cutting the skin of my body hoping you will somehow be affected. 
But maybe God did this to make me stronger 
Or to tell the story to help someone else 
But I can't blame you for what you did. 
I can only forgive you. 
But I will never forget. 
So as I sit in my church pew, 
Looking down at my dusty bible, 
And my fading cross, 
I can finally breath. 
I can finally look in the mirror
I Don't see the monster I was. 
I see the valuable woman of God that I actually am. 
Am I even a Christian? 


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