I'm Sorry
I'm sorry that you tried to be my lifesaver, but I pushed you away
You saw that I was sinking, and tried to teach me to swim
What you didn't know, is that I wanted to drown
You thought you saw me reaching towards shore
That the undercurrent was pulling me back, but that I was strong enough for sure
What you didn't know was that I was tying weights
to ankles, feet, thighs
and copping out
of saying goodbye

I'm Sorry
That the lessons that I've taught you
I haven't seemed to learn myself
That the Sunshine that I've brought you
has done nothing for my health
That I continue to sit here and shiver in the rain
to bask in the pain, and freeze my extremities
While my heart burns, close to exploding
I'm sorry that I showed you the light
and cowardly hid in the darkness
That I tried to be your anchor
But refused to be tied down
I'm sorry, I let you love me
Cuz I will only bring you down

My heart aches
Dams pressed to almost bursting, waterworks exploding like fireworks on the Fourth of July
But behind the scenes, this explosion of imitation is not a show to be seen
I feel murkiness, lying inside
There is no deep drowning feeling, no Loch Ness pulling me down
Not even a burning sense of anger, a volcano about to erupt
Only sadness, a slowly drifting piece of seaweed, forever tangled, drenched in salt
It is delicate ivy slowly creeping up, around, through my body, inviting no one but itself
and me
Though I am the host of this quasi-Garden of Eden, still a product of God's creation but also of my mutation
It could be easily dispelled, like a hermit crab changing its shell, though we all know I won't 
That I am content to lie here until I am covered in green, not with envy, with ivy
Until it dies, seasons changing, not watered, it turns brown, merging with the Earth from which it came, from where its sustenance is gained
And I would have returned 
Home

I am sorry
I am sorry for the way I have treated you
Nobody deserved to be strung along like bait
To hope for something that isn't there
I am sorry I tried to uplift you
When I couldn't lift myself
I want to say thank you
Thank you for your blessings
Your Kindness
Your Faith
And Know that You can make it 
Without me