My feelings terrified me

My anger choked me

My sadness drowned me

And I blame you, your selfishness, your vanity, your malice.

And yet, you have inspired me; you made me yearn

You made me wish;

Wish for the worst, not death nor physical agony

Wish you the worst, but not the loss of a loved one because that would also be my destruction

I wished you the absolute worst; to grow a conscience, to be engulfed, overwhelmed, submerged by the guilt

For the guilt to devour you 

For the guilt to burden you until you collapse only to have to get up carry it with you for the rest of your life

For the guilt to burn you up inside until the remorse stings.

I wished

I wished until I embrasured my feelings

Until I could breathe again; exhaling my fear and inhaling acceptance

Until I paddled to courage; confronting myself, my own anger... 

I settled into the comfort of my own absolution, surrounded by happiness