A is for Antidepressants, and they don’t work too well.

B is for Better, a disguise that to my therapist I sell.

C is for Cut, the red line I’ve wanted across my wrist.

D is for Different, the feeling that I once tried to resist.

E is for Eating, which is something I can’t stand anymore.

F is for Feeling, something on which I’ve long since closed the door.

G is for Ghost, the one who inhabits this body now.

H is for Hatred, the thing that the ghost chose to endow.

I is for Insomnia, who breaks me down night by night.

J is for Jokes, the ones I make about death that would give others fright.

K is for Kin, whoever will have this after me.

L is for Love, which I fear will be a friend I never again see.

M is for Mental, the part of me the antidepressant was supposed to fix.

N is for Nausea, what my illness breaks my bones with instead of stones and sticks.

O is for Open, but how open about this is enough for you?

P is for Placebo, so how much of the antidepressant is true?

Q is for Quiet, something I’m called because I choose not to speak.

R is for Real, for the happiness I only feel at my peak.

S is for Stop, when the voices in my head are too much to take.

T is for Taboo, so that the depressed stay quiet for another’s sake.

U is for Uneasy, the feeling in my stomach after I learn the truth of my medication.

V is for Volatile, how my mood changes according to the situation.

W is for Why, the question I ask when a high dose works the same as a low.

X is for Xenia, the Greek concept of hospitality that to myself I could never show.

Y is for Yell, how to release the feelings bottled up.

Z is for Zeal, the passion for life that spilled out of my overflowing cup.