The Adventures of Esteban the Grandmaster Pepper Stealer

Tue, 08/29/2017 - 23:16 -- nhunz42

It was a perfect night for the heist. The darkness and fog shadow me from my enemies. I have confidence in my ability, so much that I wear a patch of my face on my chest. I am Esteban Montoya de la Rosa Ramírez, son of Matías The Great, I seek the holy grail of all holy grails, La Pimienta Mágica. I watch as my dear friends, el calvo, get put back in this world we live in today, always losing to the rich and entitled, el pelo. El pelo have a forcefield upon their crown shielding them from losing their thoughts to ladrones de pensamiento. I walk around in shame and embarrassment as my dearest dreams and thoughts can be seen right through my bald skin upon my head. I myself need to put a stop to this, even at the risk of my life, or anothers.
There is today one left in existence, commonly referred to as La Grande Pimienta Mágica by my people. My dearest friend Juan Benito IV was lost in a battle on the same quest i am on today. With great sorrow his death gave me, his last breath of words sent over iMessage to me were “La Taco Bella”, and with those words I obtained hope, hope that I will avenge Juan.
I know my nemesis, his name is Enrique El Salvador, from Honduras. My childhood is poisoned with memories of him, we were the best of friends. We both went through the same training that my father gave us, equaling us in ability, but not in wits.
Tonight I stand in front of La Taco Bella, ready to pounce upon victory. I approach the entrance to the vibrant building and pull the door forty-five degrees open to peak in. I see a short Mexican man behind the counter and a worker cleaning off a table in the back. I shut the door and put my disguise on, hair. I put on a flowing set of luscious, long, brown hair which burns my baby like bald skin. I put my baseball cap over it leaving the ends sticking out the back. I place my fake mustache on and it’s game time, I head in.
The second I step in i'm hit with a smell of a Mexican dragon at a child’s birthday party, cheap, but extravagant. I walk up to the counter and ask the small man where the restroom was, he directs me to the right past the tables. I had heard that La Pimienta could be found by climbing through a vent in the women's restroom through a friend.
I turn the corner that says restroom and am thrown completely off guard. I see my life flash between my eyes as my vision hits a bright, bold fonted, WET FLOOR SIGN. I remind myself that I am the fiercest warrior alive, but this is just too much. Who in god's good will would throw upon me my biggest fear stunting my journey. I must overcome. I have to power through. I throw a fierce jab and *KACHOW* down goes the devil itself. My fist throbs from my overwhelming blow to the torso of the sign, but I’m okay.
I attempt to open up the door to the women’s room but it is locked. Enrique himself! What a clever and malicious man, locking the door to the gateway to heaven and throwing away the key. I obtain the strength I just gained from my triumphant victory and tell myself, a small unworthy lock will not stop me from saving la calvos and changing the world as we know it. I take several steps back, stop, plant my feet, and sprint to the door shoulder first. I blast through the door with ease into the room and land on the floor. I hit my head hard on the ground briefly losing my vision and hearing. As they start to come back a large lady with a familiar voice stands above me screaming at me, I start to make out words,
“ESTEBAN I HAVE KNOWN YOU SINCE THE DAY YOU CAME BACK FROM THE HOSPITAL WITH YOUR MOTHER AND NEVER!!! I REPEAT NEVER HAVE YOU EVER DONE SOMETHING SO STUPID AND CHILDISH!! I WILL LET YOUR MOTHER KNOW OF THIS. Don’t you know there are locks for a reason?!?!”
It was my neighbor Señora Santana. I am extremely embarrassed but I must put it aside and go on, as I am the deepest warrior alive, I am the chosen one.
I step on the sink and push up the vent and I crawl into the tight space. The air is dry and very hot making me very uncomfortable. My fake mustache begins to lose its stickiness due to the humidity and slips down to my lips.
At last I come to the opening, I await to see the prince in shining armor Enrique sitting on a throne on top of piles of gold waiting to pounce for more amateur blood. But that is not I, I am a Grandmaster Pepper Stealer, and am powerful and great.
I take out my dagger and kick out the vent in front below me and fall to the ground, this time landing on my feet. I am shocked, I stand in a plain gray walled room with only one object in it. A safe, directly in the center mounted on top of a wooden chair. I walk to the safe, and on top of it is a note. It says “The password is not 1234”.I take the note and fold it in my pocket, as I am very grateful for whoever left it. I need to crack the safe open no matter what it takes. I spend the next thirty minutes throwing banging and kicking the safe to try to get it to open. I am absolutely exhausted and weakened to the greatest extent. A thought pops into my mind, what if the person who left the note was using reverse psychology and actually meant the code WAS 1234! Ahhh, genius! Only a Grandmaster Pepper Stealer such as myself would have the ability to crack such a complex safe. I try the code and it works, oh hot damn how good am I!
The safe pops open revealing the pepper itself. Such beauty cannot be obtained through words. My best description would be this, a good pepper. I snatch the pepper and put it in my bag and return where I came from. I cannot believe it was this easy.
As I turn the corner out of the bathroom the man at the counter yells “Had a tough time getting out those tacos Eyy?” With a smile and a chuckle.
I nod and smile and walk out of the building. Joy fills my body as I have obtained La Grande Pimienta Magica and can now fulfill my lifelong journey. I will take this pepper, plant more and more so I can feed La Calvos.
I walk down the alleyway next to the building and trip on an iron bar and stumble to the ground. When I stand up, the blood pumping from my heart seems to stop, as I see the one, and only, Enrique.
“What are you doing mi amigo?” says Enrique from afar. I hear the pure strength in his voice. It doesn't crack, it shouts and thrives of pure confidence. There is not a look of fear in his eyes.
“Nothing just out for a walk getting some fresh air” I quickly lie back.
“What’s in your bag?”
I think about lying to him but I come to the conclusion i must face the fight and defeat him just as brutally as I did with the wet floor sign.
“The pepper. Enrique, my people have bowed down to you immortals for too long and it needs to end. I will take this pepper, grow more, and more until one day there will be no Calvos. We will be just like you Enrique.
“You refer to them as your people, but all you do for them is settle for defeat,”
He laughs. He laughed in my face. Who does he think he is? In a fit of rage I run towards him and attack. I jab my elbow into his abdomen but he quickly strikes back with a punch to my jaw that throws me down to the ground. I am stupid, I let such an ammateur punch spoil my goal. I am a coward. I have let my people down.
Enrique stands over me with his luscious flowing hair. The last bit of dying sunlight seems to glisten on his hair, so perfectly.
“You had a good ride brotha. All those years back when we were young, always losing in front of your own father. You know I thought you had a chance”, he chuckles, “No, I didn’t” He spits back.
He mumbles on for minutes talking about how stupid I am and I can not stand it. I gaze to my right and see a long stick. This is my chance.
He turns.
I reach for the stick.
I slap him.
The end of the stick slaps him hard across the face with the stick. What happens next is jaw dropping.
With the slap of the stick to Enriques head, it had revealed something, Enrique was bald. His wig flew to the ground and he looks at me in utter embarrassment.
“I can explain...” he exclaims.
“No”, I say. “I have been wrong Enrique, very wrong. At the end of the day Enrique you are you, and nobody can change that. You are not anybody else, and nor is anybody you. While people may be like you, they are not you. If it weren't for differences, everything would be the same, and there would be nothing. Stand out, be yourself, as everyone else is already taken. Just because you are different from others does not mean you are any less. Embrace your differences, make them your strengths to the point where nobody else can recreate them, and you’re special. Life is short, change is inevitable, so don't waste it being somebody you aren’t, because at the end of the day, you are you.
I extend my hand out to Enrique to help him up. We walk away down the alley catching up on what we’ve missed since our days in childhood. I stop, take off my bag and grab the pepper. Enrique looks at me in disbelief as I take it and place it in the garbage can next to me.
“Where do you think it will go?”
“County dump”, I say.
“Isn’t that kinda funny how something with so much power and excellence will be lost in an area of so much waste?”
“Yeah I guess so.”

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