I thought I could conform,wanting to become part of the pack.I dressed differently;closed my mouth more.I tried to be less caring yet more selflesshoping to become more desirable. It didn't work. I wore black.I abstained from interests in favor of theirs.I slept only with candles for warmthand bathed in ice water.I froze.I laughed at the idiocies protruded from their mouths,trying to fit in, but stay me.I was brainwashed.I ate kosher for a year and a day.I drank tea to bleach me inside.I prayed to Mother Earth and Father Sky for strength as the moon waxedbut was weakened when they turned away my heart at witching hour,and thought I would die from the cold. I did what I thought was good,thinking blending wasn't a bad idea.But still deep inside me is the need to know:was adapting always like this?