I do not know how long it has been
Since I felt a pain so great as this
It wells up, down deep inside of me
Spits fire my unsated soul can’t resist.
I burn and I flail under this new burden
Wrought from betrayal of him whom I love best
The lie and tragedy brought forth and then
My woe esteemed, my worried soul could rest.
For now I know, and fear is left behind
By utter despair, invoked by cruel truth
Of him who lost my trust, his weakness so unkind
Sharp his betrayal, a new summit in my youth.
Finding physical comfort in another
At such a distance how can I begrudge
I once pledged a need to call him lover
Now fear and insanity be our love’s judge.
Internally I weep and moan and groan
Belligerent sadness plagues me, my rain
On a storm-tossed ocean I lay dead upon the foam
When he held her, did he think only of my name?
I know not what to do, what to feel, how to act
I want him still, for he that my love feeds
Incessant doubt he counters my inability to extract
Love is a barbarian from whom joy I need.
Perhaps I’m not enough, yet how to be more?
I doubt myself, what's more, I doubt his intentions
Anxiety and worthlessness I now constantly endure
Is my worry fate’s sign of intervention?
So ready was I for such a nice guy
Publicly famed as being overlooked, ignored
I thought he was different, interesting, and wise
Unsure certainty, was I ever really adored?
Anxious, I knew before I knew, before he told
Asked him, was there yet a secret he was keeping
Asked he for reassurance, suffering he sold
Consumed in insanity I seemed to be, worry reaping.
So long he went on without my knowing
My honor and dignity too easily surmised
Embarrassed am I, my weakness he was showing
Friendships counsel; abandon quickly advised
My trust was yours, supposedly entirely ensured
A gift in no way do I easily bestow
My troubled heart for you I near matured
Perhaps I face again a Carrion Crow
I’ve heard her name too many a thoughtless time
My need for his sincerity trumped suspect
Their friendship I was sure unthreatening, fine
The week he waited through his words I did detect
I long again for an untroubled embrace
Yet my feelings are now unavoidably tainted
Invariably, I see her in my own face,
My world was shattered, false, and painted