An Ache Unfamiliar

I do not know how long it has been

Since I felt a pain so great as this

It wells up, down deep inside of me

Spits fire my unsated soul can’t resist.

 

I burn and I flail under this new burden

Wrought from betrayal of him whom I love best

The lie and tragedy brought forth and then

My woe esteemed, my worried soul could rest.

 

For now I know, and fear is left behind

By utter despair, invoked by cruel truth

Of him who lost my trust, his weakness so unkind

Sharp his betrayal, a new summit in my youth.

 

Finding physical comfort in another

At such a distance how can I begrudge

I once pledged a need to call him lover

Now fear and insanity be our love’s judge.

 

Internally I weep and moan and groan

Belligerent sadness plagues me, my rain

On a storm-tossed ocean I lay dead upon the foam

When he held her, did he think only of my name?

 

I know not what to do, what to feel, how to act

I want him still, for he that my love feeds

Incessant doubt he counters my inability to extract

Love is a barbarian from whom joy I need.

 

Perhaps I’m not enough, yet how to be more?

I doubt myself, what's more, I doubt his intentions

Anxiety and worthlessness I now constantly endure

Is my worry fate’s sign of intervention?

 

So ready was I for such a nice guy

Publicly famed as being overlooked, ignored

I thought he was different, interesting, and wise

Unsure certainty, was I ever really adored?

 

Anxious, I knew before I knew, before he told

Asked him, was there yet a secret he was keeping

Asked he for reassurance, suffering he sold

Consumed in insanity I seemed to be, worry reaping.

 

So long he went on without my knowing

My honor and dignity too easily surmised

Embarrassed am I, my weakness he was showing

Friendships counsel; abandon quickly advised

 

My trust was yours, supposedly entirely ensured

A gift in no way do I easily bestow

My troubled heart for you I near matured

Perhaps I face again a Carrion Crow

 

I’ve heard her name too many a thoughtless time

My need for his sincerity trumped suspect

Their friendship I was sure unthreatening, fine

The week he waited through his words I did detect

 

I long again for an untroubled embrace

Yet my feelings are now unavoidably tainted

Invariably, I see her in my own face,

My world was shattered, false, and painted

Comments

Additional Resources

Get AI Feedback on your poem

Interested in feedback on your poem? Try our AI Feedback tool.
 

 

If You Need Support

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741