why do i get this feeling no one wants to be around me

its kind of hard to keep people who i love around me

my whole life is like a marathon

me chasing while others run

and you wonder why i have issues- because people like mother are the reasons im not strong

push and pull factor here- pull them in and push them back out again

trust issues yeah thats a big problem for me, and why shouldnt it be

because people like my father who ill never meet

treat me like im invisble and never wanna speak

many say oh sure youll grow up to be independent

because its kind of hard to enjoy it when you dont have a choice or a say in it

big life decisions-i make myself no help needed

but mental break downs yeah thats twice a week

me crying and a dark room trying to fill the holes that people leave inside

my soul was sold so long ago-right when my own mother made the choice not to care about me anymore

i lost all respect at the door

you mean the same door your parents walk out of?

yeah thats the one

im pretty sure they threw away the key right after they locked me out of

thier hearts?

filled with the same blood as mine?

naw thats impossible

because im one of a kind

they must of thought i was dumb enough and try to go after them

heck no thats not my job

im still young in the heart but old in the brain

so it basically feels like the first day of the first day you walked out of my life

never to return for the person you left behind

thats abandoment

i cant say im not mad at you but i am

im sure you had your reasons for leaving

but then again i have my reasons to be who i am

i went through some but enough to compare me to the ones

the ones who are out there struggling for thier lost ones

but is it wrong for me to put my needs before others

because right now im in my own world

no one around for me to include so why not think of just me and not you

thats the strategy my mother left me with

to think for myself and be selfish like her

a cold hearted heathen

thats the name i gave her.