14 Fucking Years Gone

14 years of dealing with this bullshit.

How many more do I have more to go?

I never get any freedom as a teenager,

And here I am, writing about you.

 

14 years of dealing with your awful parenting,

My house wasn’t a home, but a concentration camp.

It was a new medium for you to use violence towards.

Mental scars and beatings just for not doing a single chore.

 

I wish I could say I love you,

But that would mean that your brain-washing won.

My weak heart couldn’t defeat your’s

So now it’s hellish, I’m shunned,

 

14 years of beatings, yellings,

Letting you do whatever you want to my body.
Abusing me and my mother,

Because you wanted some fun.

 

I should’ve never told you that mom was cheating on you,

Even she was unhappy with your bullshit,

At least I was not alone.

 

On that cold night in late Fall,

I came with you to McDonalds “father and son bonding”,

But really your scheme was to find him,

And beat him to the ground.

 

Later,

I found myself

At home

Where

You just got back from

Police HQ.

“Dumbass, John.

Should’ve never let him win.”

 

So look, I hate you.

I never liked you from the start.

You’re the reason why I want to die

And for me to starve myself out.

You say you love me,

But we know love doesn’t comes with beatings,

And mental scars and suicide notes

And wanting to learn how to tie a noose.

 

14 years of all that mind fuckery.

4 more years and I’m gone.

I know you ain’t gonna miss me.

 

I wish I could say I love you,

But that would mean that your brain-washing won.

My weak heart is still standing tall,

You’ll never see me fall.

Oh, I had it all, and it’s enough.

Don’t wanna see you and your bullshit,

I wrote too many notes on suicide and all your “tricks”

You always wanted a good son and family,

Well you ran away from two of them,

And now you settled here.

 

I wish I could say I love you,

But that would mean that your brain-washing won.

You’re dead to me.

Your love is not how it seems.

This poem is about: 
Me
My family

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