he was explosions of yellow in my grayscale life,

the feeling of the suns golden rays kissing my face.

he was warmth seeping back into my numb fingertips on a chilly winters eve,

he was the tingle in my spine when i jumped into hot waters.

he was the knots in my stomach, butterflies fluttering 

and the intense cramp in my heart when i saw his smile.

but he was also the waves of dread drowning me,

the burning of my soul,

the life draining from my body

yet still i loved him deeply