I still remember it.
It feels like a million years ago,
A strange sort of nostalgia
Sour and weighty and wet
The panic still swells up in my throat at times
And I feel the sweat on my palms
Suffocating.
I screamed.
My voice was lost and my cheeks were soaked
The pure sorrow I felt
The anger
The hurt
Living was my punishment
Moonlight shined on my bed,
As I looked up to the heavens
Kill me kill me kill me
Why did you stop me?
I was so close
All throughout, no one came
They heard my horrid song of pain
They saw me carted away
They felt me shake the ground with my bruised fists
But I was alone
With that same window.
I don't know why I didn't jump again
Maybe I was too scared
Maybe I was just dumb
I wish I died.
Blood watering the rose bush below
Bones cracked and strewn
A morbid art piece
But I didn't wish for this to be ingrained in my mind
For the flashbacks to be so strong
To still know the feeling of the stares
The bruising hold of my father
Ripping me from my hiding place,
Throwing me into my room and locking in his shame
Locking away his mistakes
While my siblings watched a movie downstairs,
The ones that aren't broken so badly
The ones he can show in public
The ones he is proud of.
Their smiling faces plastered on his facebook,
Not even one picture of me
I'm lost to the world
Forgotten because I hadn't been able to fling myself out
Forgotten because Death didn't choose me
Maybe it's for the best.
There has to be a reason

right?