Fallen Battle

Goodbye to my home

Goodbye to my land

Find the rebellion

Hide from the rising sun

Hide from the falling snow

Try to forget

The image of debris

The strong are gone

The weak have risen

And I am left saying

Goodbye to my home

Goodbye to my land

 

Comments

Annette M Velasquez

This is very stark, to the point and with some vivid imagery. Although it is straightforward and clear with a good structure, style and language, I am wanting more... perhaps you could add specific details, narration, add the story of someone who survived this- who are they? man, woman, child? where are they from, Latin America? Africa? The Middle East? You have an excellent basis, elaboration would strengthen this even more...

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