I let a lot of childhood trauma 

haunt me.

 

Pain, it was apart of my DNA

I learned to use it for survival.

 

Confusion, I was use to the illusions in my 

head.

 

Assumptions, it was all that I knew because 

everyone who claimed to love me only left.

 

I figured, everyone I met would leave.

Alone smoking cannabis, it helped to forget.

 

At 16, I was addicted to loss

 

Being heartless made me feel the pain less.

 

I remember slowly giving up on myself

the downfalls only led me to supress 

my feelings

 

I didn't like feeling

but truth is, I felt every inch of emotional

damage.

 

I once imagined blood all on my body

because dying seemed easier

if I could cut a little harder

my heart would stop beating.

 

Pause,

when it didn't

guilt became my adrenaline.

 

I figured if i could write the tears i've held deep

i'll finally learn to set free.

 

Found the beauty in darkness

because i've searched every mile

for the light in it.

 

Death was myself

I was dying

you saw the beauty in me.

 

Growth, the need for pain

to evolve so preciously.

 

If someone else could love a broken being,

hold so dearly

get creative with the canvas on her body

admire every scar

every inch of her soul

then I could finally live again.

 

I never knew what loving myself felt like

until I met you

 

They say self love is the best love,

but loving you helped me realized

i'm the best love.