Riddle
The riddle of life
Of nursery rhymes gone awry
Lives riddled with pain
Not of Doctor Seuss characters and silly laughter
But of your tiny lungs attempting to scream over your mothers
Your first steps upon shards of glass
The bottle shattered on the floor
In a fitful rage the night before
A wall
The one you were flung upon
Thrown like a ragdoll
Your doll looking at you through porcelain eyes
Helpless to help you
Never to see you gain the strength to watch you help yourself
A closet
The one you were duck-taped into
Arms tightly wound to one another
The silver tape glittered as a sliver of light peered out from the corner
Kicking was useless
Screaming was futile
Fighting was wearisome
Falling asleep till morning
Stomach angrily growling
Till someone finally came to your rescue
A door
There was no escape
Of all the trap doors in the world
There weren’t enough
And even if there were, none of them seemed to be in your home
It wasn’t a home
That would be an exaggeration
It was a mere structure
A house
There were several closed doors along the way
The only ones open were those that lead to death
To dark rooms and corridors
But you weren’t afraid of darkness anymore
In fact, you befriended it
Became allies with the enemy
The enemy lines were blurred now
Blurred lines
Fuzzy eyesight
Haze everywhere
Suffocation
You barely knew the taste of air
Oxygen
A foreign substance
Amongst many others that were far too familiar
Utterly toxic
Inhaling copious amounts
You amounting to mere vapor
Simply smoke
Your breathing cavity rarely breathing
Heart scarcely beating
Wrong rate
128?
Unsteady heartbeat
From sheer panic
Paranoia
Hysteria
Mania
50?
Is that too low?
Frankly, quite slow
Abnormally so
Twilight
The light is far too bright
Senses reach a new height
The stars seem to align
Ascending
Mounting
Scaling
Higher
Higher
Higher
Collapsing
Crashing
Falling
Lower
Lower
Lower
BAM
IMPACT
GROUND LEVEL
BELOW SEA LEVEL
The decline crashes with a new wave
Again.
Tsunami
Typhoon
The plunge
The downfall
Spiral
No relent
It takes you further
It pulls you deeper
Abyss
Darkness
You weren’t afraid of it anyway
But heaped upon the childhood abuse and the adolescent use
Was the heartbreak
That ensued
The very ones you were told to trust were the same ones who used you
The trauma that took place
The things that caused you shame
The occurrences behind closed doors and trapdoors
As spoken of before
Yet left unsaid
Unspoken
Suffice it to say
Mere words were not enough
To describe the way you felt in those days
The events that tore you to shreds
The clothes on the bed
The rape
The incest
The incessant violence
The bullet wounds
Physical
Emotional
Gaping wounds upon the soul
Incurable
Insatiable cravings
Starving
Aching
For a high
For a trip
A get away
Pack your bags
The luggage of your mind was plenty heavy enough
Break the chains in the recesses of your brain
A jailbreak from the cavern of your thoughts
The millstone around your neck
The unbearable burden
Your albatross
Your Achilles heel
Somehow you made it to the sky
But it was never worth the flight
How the baggage never held you to the ground
No one knew
Not even you
How these moments caused you to forget everything
You fail to remember
That with every hit
Memory was made a commodity
Needles injecting chemicals into the veins of your dignity
Seeping into your integrity
Needless to say, stealing away
Your personhood
Your humanity
Bandit of the night
Weapons of theft that tore you apart
Held you at gunpoint with crippling fear
The knives carving deep into your wooden heart
The blades stabbing at your soul
Jabbing into the cartilage of who you are
Who you were meant to be
Probably.
Eventually
You try to wake up
From the nightmare
The one you swore only started as a dream
And soon became your life
Your reality
Swallowed up by something seemingly imaginary
Imagination ran wild
Creativity consumed you
But the appetite is never quite satisfied
It doesn’t seem real
You don’t even feel
You’re altogehter numb
Everything’s suddenly so surreal
This riddle turned into a cruel joke
Over time
With the nicotine smoke
Using harder drugs to cope
Acid, painkillers, dope
You tried to kill the pain
But it’s killing you
Pain
Hurt
Anger
All feelings you try to ignore
The ones you violently kick to the floor
Yet they creep up on you much larger than before
Monsters and goblins all scratching at your door
Maybe if you open it to fight your demons
You’ll finally be free
To soar
And you realize life didn’t turn out as you had thought
The stories they told
The one with the missing glass slipper
A ball and a carriage
Speaking mice
Bippity-boppity-thrice
“…and beautiful dress”
A ravishing night
The perfect evening
In-step dancing
Polite
A striping young man
Handsome as he can be
As gentle as they say
Smooth and dignified
A true gentleman
You found that the riddle was just that
The laugh of the ages
You’ll never have your story-book fairy tale
But instead your story is one of:
Stolen innocence
A childhood abandoned
A child forced to become an adult
When your actions screamed for guidance
They were met with scoff
Once you are grown
You will try to pick up the pieces of the puzzle
But it’s not probable that it will ever be
Resolvable
It may never make sense
But maybe that’s not why we’re here
Not here to decipher a riddle
Because life isn’t solvable
But rather we’re here to write a new script
To turn the page
It’s not over yet
A composition of existence that rises above the bullshit
That ridicules the riddle
And laughing deranged
Looks evil in the eye and says,
“It’s time.”
To begin anew
To start fresh
The slate cleared
The whiteboard erased
It’s time to
Build up from the rubble
And construct yourself
One day at a time
To do it right
To create a new life
Dr. Suess once said,
You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself
Any direction you choose.
You’re on your own. And
you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who’ll
decide where to go.
You’ll get mixed up,
of course, as you already know.
You’ll get mixed up with
many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great
tact and remember that
Life’s A Great Balancing Act.
And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and ¾ percent guaranteed.)
KID, YOU’LL MOVE
MOUNTAINS!
Because if all it takes is a mustard seed…
Entire mountain ranges will rearrange
Simply because you want them to
Because you deserve better
Because you are you