Senior Year's Winter to Spring
This is a mistake
This must be a mistake
People live drowning in useless dandelions
The entirety of everything in the universe is wrong
Scarlett has bleed all over the golden blue
So stay on the phone with me but don’t use bad words
Stolen tissue boxes and non exclusive hugs
You’ve only been a science project this entire time
On algorithmic capitalist checklists, that’s all
In they (and you) there was no fault
Consume, you’re a waterfall
Crushed tostadas under stars in a supermarket parking lot fade away into the wind
Perdoname mama por hacerte llorar
They will fade away
Perdoname papa por todo
Paint,
Canvases are meant to be used,
Hand mix every oil color you have
Darkest ones stay beneath fingernails the smell of oil will linger for days until it fades,
Eventually it will fade
Dear one week younger self,
All of this is new
We’re becoming more human
Spend time with mom drink tea go outside into new friend’s cars find new love in brown hats time in front of screens cut your hair give hugs not exclusively eat sugar and honey and sunlight purple is there but it is fading
Golden blue existstill
Just slightly newer different foreign shades,
Just hiding behind the gray clouds again.
Two week younger self,
I’m so sorry
There’s no valid excuse for painting the whole thing violet
Same mistake I made last time
Your vessel in ruins, I treated you worse
Stopped working for you stopped watering you
Put a screen in front of you instead of asking what’s wrong
Should have been extra careful in patching up the hole and letting you waterfall
Tuck you in at night and forgive every morning
Give you enough water less screen-time more sleep
No matter what happens, I’m responsible for: you
It’s okay, we will be okay, I’m sorry and I love you
And until we’re better, that’s what I will do today
Two months younger self,
The sun is shining again, I promise
The weather is getting warmer already
I know your heart is broken but mine is healing
There are more schools to love
Surprised, our world is forgiving
Silver glasses on now
but nothing the spring flowers can’t fix
Time with mom time with mirelle
The sun on your hand will help you hold on
Just as ugly songs don’t matter today
ugly emails will stop haunting
to take care of your eyebrows
is all that I ask, besides trying what you can
I’m not sure where we’re going
it’s not where you think, I’m excited
I don’t want us to be upset but keep crying
You’re building me and I'm trying
and I’m quieter now without so much trust
But I continue to love and we’re smiling again
I’m closer to being a full human