I tried to smile

Tried to look my best

I walked into school

A smile stuck on my face

Even though I am depressed

I've always been able to fake it

All so I can make it

Make it in this world that is so cruel

So cold and harsh

 

Why am I so alone?

I've done what you've asked

I've passed every test

But yet

Here I am

Sitting on the stairwell

My chin on my knees

I can barely even breathe

 

My anxiety is taking over me

It consumes me

I can't look up from my desk

As the teacher calls on me

Asking me to tell her what is the square root of 143

I cannot answer

For my mind is gone

Lost in a daze.

 

I don't know who I am anymore

Why am I so alone?

God, why do I always cry?

I never can handle these emotions.

They fight for attention

My anger

Now sadness

And then fear

But never my happiness

My jealousy

And my insanity

Why am I so alone?

I thought if I was skinny 

I would be exactly what this world wanted

So I threw up and was left feeling empty

Empty, that is me

I sit here, no longer recognizing reality

My stomach churning

With just the thought of having to eat

As my friend offers me a piece

 

Here's a piece

A piece of advice to you

Don't ignore those kids in your class

Who sit by themselves

Who eat their lunches on the stairwells

For one day

When you see them on the news

Because another young adult has committed suicide

You will realize who they are

You will look in your year book

And you shall see

 

That kid you ignored costantly

And made fun of

And gossiped about

The kid you helped bully by sharing that stupid post

You remember?

The one about

"Oh that girl, she's such a freak. No one wants her, she should just disappear!"

 

I'm so tired of being alone.