Whoever thought that one difference in appearance could alter the thought process of everyone around you?

Whoever thought I would be suffering this long.  I ask why I was chosen to undergo the vicious battle of verbal abuse. Coming home and putting a smile on my face so mama won’t say “What’s wrong baby” but as soon as the lights went out tears flooded my pillow.

Whoever thought as a senior in high school I would still be doing the same thing. “That’s elementary stuff” I told myself “It will get better “I said “People are more mature as you go higher into education”. My optimism kept me strong but reality soon set in. 

The jokes got louder. The crowd of people laughing grew bigger.  The words got even harsher than before. It’s like I was some sort of show, but all I really was, was a girl just trying to make. I wanted to be accepted not an outcast. I wanted people to look past appearance and find the girl who loved to dance in her room.

The nights of tears increased and the thoughts of one resolution become the only thought in my mind. I felt like I wasn’t good enough. What was my sole purpose on this earth if all people ever saw was what was on the outside?  I wasn’t strong enough to fight this battle. I wasn’t strong enough to continue to live this life of ridicule and verbal abuse. The words I had heard were pierced into my brain never to leave my mind.

I was TIRED!  I was ready for it to be over. I was ready.  Everything was planned. It was finally going to be over.  The hatred! The abuse!  The bullying!  None of that would matter anymore. I wouldn’t be able to hear it anymore. What’s the point if I’m not good enough? What the point if I was have no purpose here. All I was doing was taking up space. It would all be over soon. No one can bother if you’re dead right?

My life was crumbling into pieces. There was no point.

The day had come.  It would finally be over. I was about to start then suddenly I hear my mother say “We have to take her to the hospital” I push my plan aside and go to the hospital.  Emergency surgery was needed. I got down on my knees and started to pray (which I hadn’t done in a long time) Few minutes later the doctor comes out and says “are you ready to see your niece”. December 21st 2011 at 9 am my beautiful niece was born. I looked into her big beautiful brown eyes and said “I can’t leave her in the world of hatred alone”. At that moment I realized my sole purpose was to be there for the little girl. Be the aunt that would protect her from everything.

After that moment all the words of hatred, all the insecurities didn’t mean a thing. All that mattered was the beautiful angel that had been brought into this world.

I canceled my plan of suicide and lived my life despite of all the hard ships to come because I knew at the end of the day I would have a beautiful niece that would love me no matter how I looked.