I've been asked how I come with things and well...

 

I used to believe that darkness was my only hiding spot

 

To drown my energy and tell invisible beings 

 

A story 

 

That ought to never grow

 

But you found my final gasps with a hug 

 

Pulled leaves into piles

 

And fixed me with your lips on my chest

 

Showing me that it's still okay to believe in love

 

For this, I pick myself up every morning 

 

So, like a magnet, I find my ways through halls just to find you

 

I remember waking up at 9:30 a.m years later

 

Feeling gravity bashing on me

 

Not knowing why the air smells like smoke and sorrow

 

But now I understood the chest side of my shirt

 

Seeing roses and tears catapulted across sterile 

 

Empty feelings of someone that was once there

 

Like a belief in a forever;gone

 

I felt a tear on the chest side of my shirt 

 

The same side you glued tightly with kisses

 

Promising your stay

 

At 10:00 a.m

 

You passed me by and complimented my scent 

 

"You smell so good"

 

Hooking me onto your body

 

Your nose transformed me into a rich coffee roast 

 

Smelled from miles away

 

At 12:00 p.m, we met once more

 

You hugged me like a goodbye hugs a person

 

And the tears they shed

 

I felt the vibration of your vocal chords through my ears

 

And your hands around my body

 

By then knowing that if you leaped

 

I'd catch you and carry you along adventurous mysteries

 

Sometimes made up of a dollar-bill and a band-aid

 

In case we needed temporary heart repairs

 

At 3:10 p.m

 

You astonished my eyes with the notification of a text message reading a phrase as beautiful 

 

As a deaf partner sewing a patch of braille 

 

On the sleeve of their blind lover to remind them 

 

That their heart is a whisper that they can't hear; but can feel

 

At 10:30 p.m years later

 

The doctor told me that you'd be fine

 

But I felt a tear in my chest open-up little by little

 

And I replay our memories

 

How we used to think about inconsolable moments

 

But we'd promise we'd be okay

 

At 11:00 p.m that day

 

You came to me and kissed the chest piece of my shirt

 

And told me that every kiss

 

Was a stitch eavesdropping 

 

On every worry that I had

 

At 12:00 a.m

 

I remembered your laugh and the way your eyes

 

Wore my pupils whenever you stared into me

 

And not the things behind me

 

You pulled me into your arms and made our hearts

 

Bond like seismic twins

 

As our lips collided in the tidal waves of endless forevers

 

Then...

 

On the day of your passing I thought about everything that happened 

 

And how we were the hospital to each other's heart problems 

 

Operating with kisses and phrases

 

That I still play on rewind

 

Wishing that this unfinished diary we built for us to reside 

 

Ourselves in, continued

 

So, I enjoy imagining your voice saying different things 

 

Things that the deafness in my heart couldn't hear anymore

 

Making me wish hospital beds were for two.

 

The last day I saw you

 

I touched your cheeks wishing this was a movie scene set on pause

 

I read the Braille in your tears

 

And before I realized what you really meant to say

 

I heard your voice assuring that everything's okay

 

It's okay to open-up to others

 

That the little kid inside me is safe from the monsters underneath his bed

 

It's okay to love.

 

That last day I saw you

 

I thought about the possibility of me 

 

Being the one on the hospital bed, instead

 

I would make sure to pick-up each leaf you sat out for me

 

So that the last breathes that I take are enough to read you this poem

 

And to remind you of how much I love you

 

Assure that everything will be okay.

 

I would be at my funeral watching you cry over my chest

 

Instead of kissing it

 

And that's when I felt the tear in my chest

 

Collide with the stitching you had made

 

It wasn't just your tears I felt clothing my chest

 

But the feeling of completion 

 

Knowing that the last words that I told you

 

Were reminding you of how much I love you

 

And your tears were a nod back saying

 

I love you too.