Because I Love You... The fear of holding babies

by the time I finish this poem, you may be eight months old already. Your winsome blue eyes will convey your sister's crimson red heart. Fighting away the hair-raising nightmares she will encounter like no one else can because you love her. You will hold her hand like a traffic light stuck on red because you love her. You will look at her and see intellectuality when others see anatomy. You will teach her morality with a broad mentality. You will teach her how her abnormalities make her more than just normal because you love her. Her differences will create your view on the humanities. Her differences will change you but you, YOU CAN CHANGE THE WORLD. You can create a new way to stop grown women from crying, BUT WAIT! You are the reason grown women don't cry, because your hair sticks up like a shark ready to pounce with endearment. Because your face shines up like a flashlight lit to more than just on and because your feet move to the beat of your mother's angelic beat. But none of this matters… Because I'm afraid to hold you. Because you are my nemesis, my basis, my oasis. I am a lost soul to your blindfold, the anger to your chamber, the finger to your trigger, the resilience to your brilliance. Because how can this phobia possibly be real if you are? Because eureka, this paprika of life is being shut down by little lords, crosswords, watchwords, songbirds, and bluebirds. I had given up on religion, but a few months ago I saw your face for the first time and now I can’t help but to think that maybe heaven isn’t something we need to die to get to. Because I love you, I will always remember looking at your smile and wanting to hold you in my arms to feel closer to you. Here in this agora we call life, your plethora of happiness covers my sadness away from my madness away from your abstractness. The acme of who I am is when I look at you. Let me show you my ethos, my lethal dose, my backcross, my crisscross, my undeclared understanding of life. Because I have no dogma, no drama, no karma, no dharma, no predisposition, no superstition, no supervision. Because I have a vision with you in my arms, some way or another, I will always be there for you because I love you. I want to hold you in my arms because I love you. Today is a new day. Today I fought the scary small smiles because I love you, today I fought against your ten tiny toes because I love you. Today, I held you because I love you. Today you are my ally, today you are my broken bolden untied blindfold because I love you.