Plague of Expectation
Location
You seep away
Into my reserve of affection
That iconic muscle subject to pains of my own obsession
A first glance through a marked window
Couldn’t mask the feeling of the clock running slow
It went on and on, til my mind was completely gone
I am dumb and naïve, I know nothing at all
From pages, the false pretense of love
Gives a rude implication
That In loving you I’ll get reciprocation
I’m still waiting, I’m counting the days
Ever since the one you left and went on your way
For those seconds and weeks I now see wasted
Directed at you but rebounded to the faceless
To take up and devour out of pure hatred,
I’m jealous of these lifeless pips of a higher position
Envious of their abilities to confess while I stand restless
Yet I still stand in the defense of my obsession,
My repressed behavior, stifled to meet the social standard,
Given with the cause to get your attention
Searching, craving a way out into the open for expression
Only to make your long-lasting good impression,
But now you’re gone, all that’s left is a trace of memory
With enough room for regret and unfulfilled fantasies,
Texts litter my outbox,
My love without a destination
No reaping, no spoils, no gratification
My expectations belie the hopelessness
Judgment was clouded, and I believed in consistence
I desired a soft hint, a smile or hug
Instead I suffer withdrawal from you as my drug
My one dependence for life
The empty hours crawl when I’m by myself
A passing of your tassel from right to left
A shell hardened from paranoid strife
My eyes through their lenses without a vision of meaning
self deprecating vanity keeps me from bleeding,
You’ve stiffened my love into rigid addiction
Turned sideways you see your affect on my ekg
How it builds when I relive these sad memories
But like time and age, eventually it stops
thinking of you my heart always drops
It fades into a faint thrumming
a quiet and gradual receding
Your absence, my loss
My expectation
My plague