365 Days
1460 nights ago
together,
we sit
on top of a stranger’s washer and dryer
our legs swing
our hearts pound
“so do you want to be my boyfriend?”
365 days
love
screaming
apologies
the cutting stops
nightmares turn to dreams
1095 days ago
no presents
you climb
through my bedroom window to me
our hands touch
our hearts pound
“this has been the best year of my life”
365 days
love
devotion
realizations
you are the one
dreams turn to realities
730 nights ago
you sleep
next to me
I’ve learned every line of your body
My lips cover you
our hearts pound
“this has been the best two years of my life”
365 days
love
unconditional
plans
I want to marry you
you’re still unsure
365 days ago
you know
I know
ask my brother’s permission
ask my mother’s permission
yes
387 days ago
you kneel
I know you’re going to ask
the tears fall
you don’t quit smiling
Yes.
“This is the best day of my life.”
wedding arrangements
money
money
more money
love won’t pay the bills
anxiety, fear
dreams become nightmares
my horrors resume
730 days of excuses
no
the millionth time,
“I can’t get a job”
your comfort in a world standing still
do you not get it?
that’s now how the world works.
295 nights ago
our hearts pound
voices crack
tears like oceans
I love you
it’s why I’m leaving
I’m dying
I don’t know it yet,
but everyone else does.
Alcohol numbs the pain
If I’m drunk I can’t remember
your hands
eyes,
lips,
arms
Just drink, forget.
231 nights of loneliness
I try, in vain, to replace you
to replace us
Every hand that touches me
Compare it
“But it isn’t him”
Denial
Until you leave
“Private Keeling reporting for duty, SIR”
Seven days ago
I need you more than Uncle Sam
Reality hits
Don’t deny him
I love you.
Five nights ago
Forty five minute drive
Dont’ cry in front of the cop
He pulled you over for swerving
I can’t see the road from the tears
I know every line of your body
My tears fall
We make love one last time
You say you love me in person
one last time
today
four years
I celebrate alone
I promise I’ll wait
I learned that love can pay the bills