I’m here staring on my monitor screen; my thoughts are counting five thousand miles away from my
body. Everything we went through unfolding vividly like horrific movie I watched the other day in the
dark as my mind act like a tape, rewinding, forwarding and in slow motion, my bed is the memory
chamber where my life dismember all my non conscious life history living my black-kinned body laying
in a pool of bloody deceit. I remember when I met you; I was with John, my more than a friend to me, a
brother. We were just making our own teenage behavior around the estate when he suddenly pointed
in your Direction with raised brightened face, “she looks like Stella”, I cant really quit erase that
statement from inside of my brain, cause it captured and seized my attention with no clear of actual
description, my soul couldn’t control my lustful body, our eyes met, then magically my whole world
froze, I could not think for a moment, I tried to breathe but my nostril’s subway was mysteriously blocked
by the beautiful angelic figure that stood in front of me, the perfect lips made a dangerous smile that
can effectively make gay couples reconsider, I stood startled, my lonely world crumbled down and broke
into pieces. And that’s how we met, at the streets.
Now, It has been three years now since we parted ways but my inner demons are taking total control,
my imaginary dreams of you and I is getting more intense, my frustrations is building up without
accountable distress, sometimes I usually feel like cursing God directly on his face. I remember after our
first 2 weeks of conversation, I went silent because I thought I was wasting my precious time to indulge
with your arrogance, but, after another two weeks we bumped into each other with astonishment built
all over your face, you stared at me then fell on my arm and cried, then you said I was selfish, selfish
because of my absenteeism actions. You said you loved me, that the feeling you had was real and even
the devil wouldn’t dare come between us with useless deals, up to this days, I honestly really don’t
know if that was ‘spirit’ talking because you were drunk but I sickly believed you. I believed every word
that came out of your deceiving mouth.it was a mistake. A mistake that I couldn’t process every aspect
of life to discover my mind, body and soul was weak, weak because I loved you, my heart was soften by
your sweet words. Then I provided a place for you. The wrong step was made that instant, you took
everything I had and left nothing for me, you said you couldn’t breathe without me but fairly well breath
underwaters. You twisted my world and placed it upside down, it became insanely impossible for me to
handle my life, I lost. Now I hate you cause I gave you all but you gave me nothing, you sprinkled my
body with acid and like an iron sheet I rusted , I’m angry, I’m sad, I hate you, yeah, I’m still in shackles
but I have no REGRETS
Kraizie Naibz