I can’t forget what you did to me.

I try to forget

I try to remember a time when your smile didn’t make me cry

When your voice didn’t send ice through my soul

When your smell didn’t make me want to vomit

I try.

I try every day.

 Every.

 Day.

I’m treated to the insults thrown at me from car windows

Whispered to me : You stupid ho

Me. The stupid ho.

Because it’s my fault, right?

“You know how he is”

“She swallowed my jizz"

"Slut”

How is this my fault?

Is this my fault?

I think it must be because of the way they look at me

Because of the way they sneer and never fucking let me be

I wish they’d leave me alone

I just want to go home

But where is home?

Over the rainbow?

There are no rainbows in my life

Not since he cast his shadow over me like a knife

I’m scared to move, scared to leave

Because I know he’s stronger than me

“Why didn’t you scream?”

My lungs didn’t work

I wanted to scream, to yell

But my cries would fall on deaf ears

No one cares about the stupid drunk girl

“You shouldn’t have had so much”

He shouldn’t have grabbed so much

It’s been months and sometimes I still can’t move

It’s been years and sometimes I still feel his  groove

I want to go back

I want to go back

I want to go back

Home

But home doesn’t love me anymore.

Home says it’s my fault, you stupid whore

You can’t just lead them on and then say no

What, did you think that was YOUR body they explore?

No, you’re merely a piece of meat

Sit there, look pretty, wait, what’s that- don’t eat

You have to be perfect for that special guy

You must be able to catch his eye

Don’t be too smart, or they feel threatened

Don’t be too shy, be sexy but less than

The man you think loves you will always be better

Go set the table, make sure the cake isn’t bitter

And when he says get on your knees,

You don’t hesitate, you don’t skip a beat

And if you do, hold your tongue when you get beat

You must make him happy, laugh through your tears

Because, silly girl, this world has been all about men for years