I have yet to feel

I have yet to feel his presence on my life since I was a child, I have yet to see the power that he held over me in my times of need and happiness,  have yet to see what and how his mind influenced mine through the arid days of summer to the frigid night of winter. However in the same way a tree loses its consciousness by the frost of winter so too did I lose my green leaves by robust life that made me the man who I am today. I was uprooted and isolated for what felt like eternities at a time, however I knew that what I felt was double for that of kin and so I stayed silent whilst others complained, I has a stiff upper lip while those of other’s needlessly trembled, my bare skeleton stood aloof at attention for every waiting command, every opportunity for aid and care of another. And yet due to this my needs were ignored or forgotten for the so called issues of those around me, when I gave all I received nothing, and so I cried to myself and to the slightest extension to the heavens what karmic massacres hath I committed to endure such hatred of the self, and alas I received little. Such is the nature of the soul, like a hungry child can only grow when it is fed enough, however how can a hungry child hunt for it’s food with no legs? In the same way a bird with no wings is doomed to die thus too was my happiness’s fate sealed the day my innocence left. My comrades still as vibrant as the day I was lucky enough to meet them took me in graciously, however despite their kindness never truly accepted me, I was seen as an acquaintance, a coworker, a confidant with no extra-emotional affairs. I was contented and still am contented with this as its misery comes with the benefit of social interaction, however even the most grand and delicious meal can be taken for granted on the pampered tongue of a king and so now I find myself, feeling unhappy with my friendships as they are so called today, I know people very little and they know everything about me, I cross the ocean seven times over with a spring in my step and a smile on my face to see the faint glint of happiness rise and fall within them like the tides of a sea whilst they groan and putter, drag their feet and complain to cross a puddle that is easily trampled underfoot. However through this misery be it my own optimism or the eye of a seer opening within me I feel the presence of a companion, I know not of his sex or his hair and eye color, I know not what he thinks about the world and the universe as we know it, I know not what hearts he had mended and what hearts he has broken, despite that I feel him daily, nothing personal however something deep inside me, that allows me to feel his companionship, his desire to know me in person, as unsurely as I know God exists I also unsurely seek out his company with every waking step, I wish to find him for then I might talk of wise things without jest, laugh at the humor of this world, cry with the human pains we see, fight with the hatred we see daily and love with the power of our God-given passion be it dim or bright in each of us. How I wish to meet him, to talk with him of these things, to show him what I know and him to me, I need him as much as a plant needs water as much as a disturbed child needs care, I need him with me to understand his pain and by extension mine as well, I need him to see to it that I follow through to my goals and that he follows through to his, I need an arm to grab mine, a hand to shake and clasp, a back to lean on, a head to bash with, a foot to walk with, an arm to fight with, a heart to beat with, a soul to link with, I need, above all else in this world.


A Friend. 

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