War
Location
Here I find myself
with my head in my hands
and a rush of sadness that hurts me like a title wave
not like anyone understands
I spend most of my nights with my head in my hands
and tears staining my rosy cheeks
I spend most of my nights listening to the sound of my air conditioner
and my muffled screams & cries that bury deep into my pillow
Here I find myself with your name pounding into my skull
I let my mind wander
Wander into dark places in my head that I didn’t where even there
I waste my nights thinking of everything you said and everything I didn’t
I pull at my hair because it weighs as much as the world growing on my shoulders
it is a war that I keep losing
a war that I can't find the answer to
a war that takes over my mind and eats away like a wildcat gnawing at its prey
It hurts to think that nothing will get better
the war becomes constant
and my hands are still in my hair
tangled on the strands of black and blonde
tempted to yank and yank and yank
It feels like someone is playing a constant prank
filtering your name through every single breath that I breathe
Like walking on pins and needles
It feels like I am at war
a war that I’ve already lost
A war that I swore that I would never let wash ashore.