No one realizes how much self hate it takes to make yourself starve, get sick, or do things to your body, unless you have experienced it. We destroy our bodies to try and reach a peace of mind, that most of the time is never met. My days are filled with deciding if I should eat or not, if I dont I feel better knowing that I am not gaining weight, but if I do; I make myself get sick it is a lose lose situation. I know I am not the only one who does this, there are many other girls, and guys who do these things.  Eventually it consumes your whole life, and you feel like there is no way out. We feel empty inside. But why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we destroy our bodies, ruin our lives, and become depressed and so dependent on hurting ourselves. Because of our society. Our society glorfies eating disorders, because as long as we are trying to achieve some type of beauty that is unattainable to everyone its okay. Its okay to hurt yourself, ruin your body, and in some cases end up hospitalized because you are trying to be skinny.  Because to our society eating does not feel as good as being skinny. Then when people who care about you find out what you are doing to youself, they look at you like you are lost, and they just tell you stop and everything will be okay. If it was easy enough to just stop we would have by now. Its not easy. Nothing about the process of recovering or trying to recover is easy. But you never fully recover from an eating disorder. It is a long hard fight, and it always will be.