Your absence took effect 5 days after we last spoke

As I recalled misdirected anger regarding foolish acts

But those 5 days turned into 16 days, 8 hours, 33 minutes, 20 seconds of missing you

Of my heart longing and holding onto you

16 days, of not hearing your voice.
I crave your scent,
your touch,
your smile,

But you won’t come near
I miss the way your lips felt against my skin and the hours I spent laying on our chest watching anime movies
5 days that turned into 5 more and soon its a month, two anniversaries, one Christmas and a new years where we pass each other without making eye contact

You brought out the best and worst of me, reasons why I questioned the inception of our relationship

But I stayed because of I couldn’t imagine life without you

So you’ve forced me to blame myself for the control over my happiness you held
I’m lost

Cannot bear to delete your pictures with hopes we will return the way we were

But as the days go by my hope dwindles like the fire in an old lantern

Wishing for the anger to wash all over me like a tsunami to make the time pass quicker

‘Cause you see missing you, is killing me \

And as I can barely keep my cheeks dry and my dreams free of you

You’re constantly there

As my mind continues to taunt me of images of you running your fingers through my hair and whispering how much you love me

Memories of serenades in your bedroom to competitive cook offs

So do not be mad at the fact that I cringe when she places her arm around you

Or when I sit quietly in a corner trying to ignore you as my inner goddess curses you

You make me regret my decisions.

I cut them off because I believed you but now

 I’m alone left to fester in my sorrow and struggle to rebuild friendships that were doomed from the start.

You left and you seem fine but   I’m left with a broken heart, broken promises, a stomach filled with butter cookies and Trinidadian rum, and a pain that claws its way through my chest.

Hollow body cavity from the heaves

I try and try to get you out my mind but when you know someone for over 7 years there is no going back

They become etched in your memory, a part of your childhood and future

A future that can’t be because you won’t even look at me

Making my heart doubt that you even ever loved me

It’s been 16 days, the longest we haven’t spoke and although I reached out and tried to hold the hurt in,

it gets harder,

when I have to see your face in classes, hear your voice bounce around the walls in the narrow hallways, and watch your everyday as you walk away,

Acting as if I don’t exist

Missing you is the most painful thing I have experienced yet,

 that drugs or alcohol could not fix.