apology
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NO, it is NOT good to suffer...
When one is wee one young...
For that can scar a person unto death...
And make one not wish to breathe their very next breath.
But it IS good to suffer...
I'm sorry for the hurt I caused,
The pain that lingers, the wounds still raw.
I wish I could turn back time,
And make things right, fix what's not fine.
I know I hurt you, I caused you pain,
I will not write you an apology or a eulogy or even a love poem
I will not write you a thank you note or a permission slip or ever an obituary.
I will apologize when I am sorry
And I am not sorry
Why is it that it is so easy to forgive other people, but we I have such a hard time forgiving me?
That I give myself one chance to get something right, but I give others two chances; sometimes I even give them three.
I want to tell the stars that I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for the nights I couldn't see.
The nights they couldn't see me.
Jealous clouds often hiding their beauty.
I'm sorry for the nights I stared,
Heeeeeeeey there....bud. Listen, I'm bad at this.
Remember that time I was weird and it made you uncomfortable?
I was probably trying to be funny, clearly it was a swing and a miss.
I’m sorry.
I’m sorry I pushed you away.
I’m sorry it felt like a one-time thing.
I’m sorry I didn’t see you sooner,
the you I wished I’d seen all along.
I’m sorry I didn’t realize sooner
Warm water rushed up the bubblegum walls of a room I called home to the age of 14Ethereal creatures, niveous nothingsColubrine eyes staring soullessly forward Waiting, wading into water
I have an apology to make
An apology to myself
I'm sorry for hurting you
When I picked up that pencil last night and raked it across my arm
I am wandering around you in a narrow alley,I am also wandering around in another big street,walking around nothing.What is broken,is the transparencythrough the glassof our existence
Sitting here today, I realized something.
I realized that you have never, ever called me stupid.
And I'm sorry.
Because I called you stupid twice today.
Sitting here today, I realized something.
Firm hands, from shadows on the wall.
Firm no’s, from girls around nightfall.
I promised to protect you all.
Don’t touch, These artifacts are rare.
Don’t look, It’s really rude to stare,
I’m sorry...
I’m sorry I’m not the perfect girl,
and that I couldn’t be selfish for once.
I’m sorry that I am nice to a flaw,
but that is simply who I am.
I am sorry that my decisions led you to today.
I promise you
I don’t do this on purpose
I’m just having trouble
Finding something that feels worth it
You’ve gotta understand
Or at least please try
I just don’t think that now
i’m looking for something that’s gone once again
i don’t know who you are, can i call you my friend?
there’s a hurt in everything i say and i do
because everything seems to remind me of you
A game, it started with,
To meet your lover in it was a myth.
The meeting was probably a coincidence,
Now it actually makes sense.
I met half of my identity,
One I've been searching for since infinity.
Light outside snapped and dipped
around the old stone
and the
clipped clean manicured lawn.
i had to look up to meet your wild hurt gaze
your fury at the top of the staircase
above me
I meant no disrespect
I never did,
but I am not to be held accountable
for what you think I meant.
If I say we are allowing ourselves to be victimized
it is not as bad as you think,
my legs feel frail again
(oh am i wilting?)
i don’t know if i’ve skipped to the end
or rewound to the beginning
unsteady i betray myself
almost done, can’t sway
not this time
this time
You are cryptic
A knot I cannot untie
I'm sorry if I hurt you
I wouldn't quite know
Since you keep it so
Guarded from me
As if I hurt you
But I'm not sure how
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
Dear Society,
Why?
Why do you do this?
Hate.
Why… Why do you hate?
Why choose to let difference divide you?
dear mom,
i'm sorry i couldn't make you proud.
i'm sorry i couldn't live up to your dreams.
i'm sorry i drive you crazy daily.
i'm sorry i hardly speak to you anymore.
Dear Mom,
I refer to myself as a miracle child
My mere existence wasn't mild
My moms pain was severe I almost ended her life
I'm sorry mom I caused you such strife
Dear Self-Esteem,
You probably already know this
but you're very low.
You are basically the ground.
The gound I step on everyday.
I force myself to ignore you;
To whom it may concern:
i.e. parents, teachers, friends, and family
Yes, here I am again
Pockmarked with the tears of self pity
And I love the scars on my face
I embrace them
I’m sorry every morning was an english muffin
I let you become the entity that circled my transcripts
Watched tv with me
Dear Big Brother,
“Stop singing! Grow up!”
I yelled as I ran down the stairs.
“You’re twenty-two, and you’re still singing kiddy songs.”
I don’t think you even heard my hurtful words
it takes a drunk
to know another drunks
burden, that bridges
the drinking, crosses
the problem, erases
the solution, that no one
wants to taint their hands in,
sometimes it takes
Dear Former Best Friend,
I can’t believe how long it’s been since we last talked.
She knew that loving him would be disastrous, but she was already a disaster. She knew that by holding onto his hand meant that she could be left all alone, reaching out for a hand that was never meant to touch hers.
I don't care if you are depressed.
I will try to cheer you up.
I don't care if you are mad.
I will try to make you laugh.
I don't care if you are ignoring me.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry if I've caused you any sadness these past couple days.
I'm sorry if I creeped you out.
I'm sorry if I disgusted you with the idea of my love.
I'm sorry if I put a bullet through your heart.
The pain is almost unbearable.
I never excpected to love you, it just happened.
And now here I am wishing you'd just speak to me.
You flirt with everyone, but the one boy that flirts back is shunned.
Some people's idea of happiness consist of tender moments with another.
Other's consist of a smokey room full of friends.
Other's, of piles of money and days full of laziness.
Music makes me think of you.
Smiles make me think of you.
Poetry makes me think of you.
Laughter makes me think of you.
Nature makes me think of me of you.
As I remember my happy times, I long for them back.
Me just a whisper of your past, but you are still screaming in my ear.
I still laugh at our walks together, our childish conversations.
You call this a crush?
I feel like shit everyday you avoid me.
I feel like I deserve to die because what I've done.
God has cursed me and left me to wilt in this ditch.
God I hurt so much.
Without you to talk to.
Im trying so hard to fix it, but god I'm tired.
Just tired.
Emotionally, physically, psychologically.
Is it even worth it at this point?
Roller coasters used to be fun.
With it's ups and downs and twists and loops.
I had you by my side to make it fun.
Now my highs are scary, because I can only go down from them.
You were my world.
You were the sun of my solar system.
The music of my life.
You mattered to me more than anything.
And you still do.
Did you ever think about me?
Did you ever dream about us?
Was it a dream?
Us?
We were so happy.
So childlike.
So carefree.
What happened?
It was too short.
I messed it up, didn't I?
My happiest days were with you.
Do you think this is what I wanted?
Do you think I follow you so I can torment you?
Do you think I'm happy?
Do you think I am mad at you?
Do you think I hate you?
I would never be mad at you.
Why do I love you?
I love you because you make gremlin faces at me.
I love you because your teeth don't quite line up.
I love you because you bounce all over the place.
Every time I think of our time as friends, I die inside.
I feel as though I just swallowed broken glass.
I want to curl up in a ball and cry forever.
Everytime I see you I think of my mistakes.
I live day by day now.
Time seems to be but a memory anymore.
Somedays I feel like time has stopped,
while others fly by.
I smile and laugh everyday, acting like I'm ok.
On the inside, I feel like shit.
I don't waste my time every morning because I think it's funny.
I don't make new friends in my own interest.
I don't stay at school to practice for 14 straight hours because it's fun.
Everyday I fight a war.
I get up without the guarantee of seeing you.
I go to school without you to make it bearable.
I smile without you to make it real.
I laugh without you to make it full.
What do you see when you see me?
A good friend that fucked up?
A horrible friend that never truly cared?
A stranger that needs to give up?
A jerk that is too clingy?
A loser that you wanted to humor?
I'm in love with a lot of people.
I love my friends; Nathali, Victoria, Logan, and Allison to name a few.
I love my family; My Mom, my Dad, my Brother, and my Sister.
But you? You are different.
I love you.
Sometimes, when life gets too hard to stand,
you need a minute to sit down in the mud and move on.
Move on from all that is hard, from all things that give you stress.
Now, moving on is not the same as giving up.
I used to be sad, used to mope and grief.
I used to stand on the edge of tears as I saw you.
Now I realise, there is nothing appealing about depression.
Then I saw your sadness.
You became glue for me.
Sometimes I wonder, what do you dream about?
Do you dream about wild fantasies where you are a queen?
Do you dream about worlds made of sweets?
Do you ever dream of me?
Regret, sadness, depression,
but never hatred.
Guilt, melancholia, sorrow,
but never anger.
Remorse, gloom, heartache,
but never hostility.
Grief, misery, woe,
but never rage.
Even the happiest times are melancholy without you.
Even the sunniest days are dark without you.
Even the warmest blankets are cold without you.
Even the fullest rooms are empty without you.
I was born in the same generation as you,
lucky enough to meet you.
I was lucky enough for you to move to my town.
You visited me in the summer,
lucky enough for you to care.
Every smile without you is an empty one.
Every laugh without you isn't worth it.
Every step without you is heavy.
Every breath without you hurts.
Every day without you is wasted.
Never did I think that I wouldstoop so low as to fall intothis deep darkness that doesn't endthis coldness that punctures the soul.This is all my fault, my fault thatnow you don't want to talk to me.
One, two, three
let me lay in bed and count.
four, five, six
the mistakes I've made with you.
seven, eight, nine
I would take them all back.
ten, eleven, twelve
each one just as bad as the last.
We fought with more than fists
We kissed with more than lips
We loved with more than hearts
And picked each other apart bit by bit
So much so that when we were done
Nothing was left to destroy or love
The only letters I’ve ever kept
Are apology letters
Every single one from my father
Because it’s easier for him to write to me
And leave it in my room while I’m sleeping
Than to look me in the face
There are a few things you should know,
About me and my life,
And what I've learned to not show.
You don't know what I feel,
I keep it well hidden,
But maybe I shouldn't,
You don't know how much it hurt
When you came home collapsing.
Words slurred together into a sentence,
At least that's what I think it was.
You stumbled like a baby taking its first steps,
It roars in your ears
Pounding in your heart
Feeling miserable
A cloud over your head
Just wanting it to leave
Wanting to fix things
But you know you can't
There was nothing
I wanted to write her an apology
But I just couldn’t find the words
My voice had been stolen
And just like Ariel in the little mermaid, I couldn’t speak
I guess we're back where we started,
Sweet lover of my mind
I saw you in a weird place yesterday
Not in my dreams
Not in my thoughts
Not in my day dreams or writings or when I ought
I'm sorry
I'm sorry I scream
I'm sorry I threaten
I'm sorry it's easier for me to lie and say "I hate you"
Broke my arm
after he stomped on me,
then I went home
And was called a freak.
I faked a smile
Around my friends.
Then cried alone
waiting for it all to end.
It all started with one subject
Religion
It was always an issue between us
I took it to far
One comment ruined it all
I hurt him
I never wanted to
Wish I could take it back
They said love hurts, but I didn’t think it would feel like this. A beautiful kind of hurt. That’s what I pictured.
I’m so sorry that I can’t be
Everything that you want from me
I’m sorry that I’m left trying to say
No, in the very kindest way
I get so confused, and I don’t understand
Please scorn not the poet
For the rhymes too slanted,
For syllables miscounted,
For content hard to read.
Did our history keep
Shakespeare’s first love sonnet?
Virgil’s practice poems?
sorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorry
An endless litany
Buzzing through my head
Sorry, my sister
I meant no harm
I didn’t know you’d be alarmed
Sorry, my sister
I don’t want you to hate me
I just wanted you to let me be
Sorry, my sister
Please consider this as honesty for I could give you nothing less
I sincerely apologize for all that I regret
Just like lightening you struck me without warning,
We were two missing puzzles who became whole
You build your own shrine in my heart and saw it burning,
We were like milk and cereal in a bowl
last night I threw words I knewwould burrow themselves insideyour chestand set fire to your ribcagejust to watch you burnand I’m sorry;I don’t mean to be so cruelwhen I holdso much good.
I'm going crazy
My mind's been on a high lately
Not from drugs but this craziness has just rubbed off me
I've found that I don't care about anything important
My father thinks I'm a failure
Before I end my sentence,
Listen for once.
Breathe through your heart, feel through eyes, and sing with an open mind.
At time like this,
I clench my teeth so that the tears don't fall.
When I hear the words that come out of your mouth,
I feel useless, incompetent...
Like a dead weight.
Sometimes I wish I hadn't been born.
albino skin, golden scales
i once saw you in a nightmare
man and woman declaring disinterest
as they sit idle in a car wash
pink raincoat girl, why do you put so much pepper in your soup?
Mama I'm sorry,
I'm sorry I can't control the need to always attack,
I'm sorry i can't control the eye rolls and groans,
I never mean to hurt you it's just something i can't control,
You say you're fine
I know you're not
You say you don't cry
I know you do
You act as if you aren't sad
everyone knows you are.
I didn't do this to hurt you.
I didn't do this to cause you pain.
SNAP. my head flies back
How did I get so far off track
It must be apologized, must be fixed
Her mind must be spinning with all my tricks
A jerk? no I've been an ass
An apology in bulk and mass
how stupid am i to believe
EVEN FOR A SECOND
that I could possibly
NOT TRUST
my sister
my own sister
I'M SORRY
(June 5, 2010)
Never has my apology
Been so deep
As the dusk my heart was
Seen for its true self
In my eyes and those of my Creator
You were my rockBut I found you too stable,Immobile, grounding, so IShattered you -A man broken into thirty-three pieces,Mere pebbles of the boulder you were.
We don't get to timeour crises of faith,do we? When thebite has gone outof the bourbon itseems as thoughjokes are not funny,as they used to be.
hey daddy, it's me, you're little girl...
I need to tell you something that will make you want to curl.
I went to that party, it was right down the block,
but I didn't bother telling you, I was distraught.
Your awake scared because of me.Intensely in fear searching to see.What is hiding in the dark.Because of me you are left with this painful mark.That haunts you in your dreams every night.You think nothing is ever going to turnout right.In denial a
What I did, I didn't mean.
Yet that remains to be seen.
It was an accident
but anger is imminent.
I expected it yesterday.
I expect it today.
Guilt is what is real.
Guilt is what I feel.
It's thriving in my brain.
Driving me insane.
It will not forgive me.
Why not can they see?
I wish for my punishment.
Something to ease my torment.
I remember the look in your eyes
At the beginning of summer, and
Way your lips were sweet like strawberries
When we first kissed beneath the moonlit
Night sky. But now those strawberries have
I search for answers in this bottle because they are probably at the bottom.
Every sip that burns my throat reminds me of the sting in your words,
be it only a fraction of the intensity.
There it is again.
That all too familiar sting you feel
As you pull away from his embrace
After he betrays your trust once
Again. You know he means well,
But intentions never meant much
It’s back.
You can sense the recurrent feeling
Of regret starting to boil in your belly
as she pulls away and looks at you
With sad eyes. The same eyes that
Were smiling at you just moments
I love you, he saysHis lips tremblingA withered flower blooming againFrom the waste of our hot breath
Who said it would be so hard,
To take a step and get this far,
To listen and to disreguard,
All the things that left a scar.
I'll always remember the words you said,
It’s said that the love you take is equal to the love you make.
But no one has ever tried to calculate the intensity of heartbreak.
So you sit in your room and listen to sad songs with candles burning
Procrastination tempts us all,
Regaling us with promised time,
Omitting, though, this troubled fact:
Clipped-out minutes would be thine.
Removing time from future selves,
Assaulting goals you've yet to make,
My tongue will not spill No. I want to give her the world. No! she deserve the world. From my rib that is why He created Girl. She is so dangerous, avoid the eyes. Her voice is like an Angel, so check your pulse for evidence that you are alive.
These hands delve into the ground to remake what I once found
When I was better and my conscience was light as a feather
I made this as empty as I feel, but now I'm not alone
I am a weight eroding those
Why not me.
Look at them, they seem so happy
Hand in Hand, drowning in the endless pools of each other's eye
Oceans of euphoria, smiles real big
like a child watching fireworks
Once there was a boy with a heart so big
A heart so willing to give, give and give
A heart so forgiving and filled with joy
A common trait in such a little boy
I am a sensitive loving person.
I wonder where my passion for life will take me.
I hear my destiny calling.
I see pain turning into forgiveness.
I want the truth to be seen.
I am a sensitive loving person.
This Poem is my everything. If you can, just listen and let me know what you think!
Its you that I've been waiting for
The one who would sweep me back to shore
Why do I fall so easily
When the words you used were so cheesy
my heart beats fast
You were my first and I was hoping my last
when I watch the patchwork of stars
ten thousand galaxies away
when I watch you go - orbit away
from me as I stay
stagnant we are, feelings fall away like dust
plummet to the earth
