SocialAnxiety
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As far as I remember, I’ve always been shy.
I never could directly look people in the eye.
“What am I so afraid of?” I sit and wonder.
Maybe it’s because my self esteem is so far under.
The melanin of my chocolate skin
Differs from the vanilla of my classmates
I live in a land of imagination
With the monsters of my insecurities
Why don't you play with the other kids?
A rapid heartbeat is pounding excessively, as I approach the critical door of horror with all sensitive eyes on me. Questioning every move and the sentence I make. But this art piece wants to show its creation.These detailed words that can fill a
Unheard,
Unseen
Blind, naked and uncontrollable trembling.
Drowning me,
Suffocating me.
Are you okay?
Whats wrong? Why cant you say?
You're a fake
Just afraid.
You're not pretty,
If only time could rewind
I could take back the words
That made me look absurd
And utterly out of my mind
I am not alone,
I can feel their hands clutching at my heart,
Listening to it like the ticking of a time bomb,
5, 4, 3, 2, 1 ,
Behind her hazel eyes, behind her brilliant smile
She bore a hidden cross
And she had borne it for a while
And she slipped and slid and came up sweating
Beneath it's invisible weight, spirit often flagging
I walk quickly
head down
shoulders stiff
“I’m sorry” on my lips
Everyone’s watching me
My lips are bitten
hands shaking
leg bouncing
He's there
He's always there, in the recess of my mind.
A thought, a memory, a fleating emotion.
He never goes anywhere, just sits there in an empty cavern of my mind.
You know that girl who's always smiling in the hallways,
The girl who knows everyone and speaks to everyone,
The girl who isn't popular, but everyone knows her,
Because she has a free spirit?
Walking through the school hallway,
judgement hall,
eyes focused on the tile,
one step after another,
one breath after another,
face blushing: a red mask of anxiety.
My heart beats fast; My breathing is labored
My feet shuffle quickly; My gaze never wavers
My book in my hands; My destination in sight
My anxiety is there but; My chin is held high
I’m talking to you,
And I see the weight fall off your shoulders and onto your face
In a classroom of extroverts,
A classroom full of loud, brazen, outspoken thinkers,
There was a quiet girl in the class,
Keeping to herself.
She didn’t talk much, as she was quite shy,
sometimessometimes the manis a batin that he’s blindto the fact he’s a gnatmaybe his skullis still intactbut what’s insideis cracked
