bullying suicide depression anxiety everytime pain hurt cutting self abuse drug resistance

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Everyday I regret the nicotine that I inhale, I've tried to pray- but the thing is "I'm already in hell." Going to sleep is a pet peeve, with a consequence of bloody snot when I sneeze. Smoking weed was relaxing, 
There are some things, people do, When they can only feel blue. They take the silver, make it rust, For they feel that they just must. People see, but do not tell, Scared of what hides behind the veil.
I was twelve when I first started doing it, You could blame it on puberty or a teenagers strong hormones,   But as I feel each slit, I can remember the knife I used, The room I was in,
they shove you down  they cut you up there words like knives the words that tainted a pure heart many say that kids a crule  this is very true using words like wepons 
You punch, I scratch, you kick, I scream. Why does this always happen to me? They watch, they laugh, and they join in on the fun. They sit and watch, they say it’s all just for fun.
Everytime I try, I fail. Everytime I socialize, it's awkward. Everytime I cry, I'm laughed at. Everytime I contemplate suicide, it is ignored. Everytime I pierce my skin, only blood flows. No feelings or teardrops.
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