inadequacy
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engrossed while guarded
squirming through smiles
we peddle concrete lies,
unload them on the plate.
words drop stillborn
like some laughable miscarriage.
practicing risk analysis
Why did you do this to me?
Why did you crush all my hopes?
You took all my hard work
And threw it to the ground
Like it meant nothing.
Do you hate me or something?
Why do you hate me?
I wish I was as talented as you
I wish I could act like you
I wish I could use my fire, my desire, to fuel myself like you
I'm not as creative as you
What is Enough?
How do you know?
If you have been there, why did you come back?
Is Enough a myth?
A legend, a fairytale, a child’s story?
Is it a fable that never reaches a climax?
It's hard to put in words,
what makes this body me.
But trying to be anyone else,
is something I couldn't be.
I wish that I could describe
my life in these few words
Though my stars be dark and my spirit black
It is not without reason that you find this lack
Of empathy, pity, mercy, or care
For others of similar gare.
My stars were darkened by the sun
You wonder if it's all in your head.
Why can't you run awayor cry for help?
Once again, you are driven against the cold cement.
You become paralyzed.
Unable to move
So let's live,
And let love.
Where is this coming from?
My heart says yes,
In you I obsess.
And I'm losing my mind,
But I swear that it's fine...
Just commit me now,
AND ALL I WANT TO KNOW IS ARE YOU OKAY OR DO YOU MERELY SAY YOU ARE TO AVOID WEIRD GLANCES AND LONG AWKWARD TALKS ABOUT FEELINGS THAT DO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING EXCEPT ENSURE THAT YOU WILL NEVER TALK TO ANYONE AGAIN ARE YOU OKAY OR DO Y
THANK YOU FOR TEACHING ME HOW TO KISS MY OWN WOUNDS EVEN THOUGH I STILL SOMETIMES PRETEND THAT IT IS YOUR LIPS AND YOUR HANDS AND YOUR WORDS AND YOUR LOVE BUT I AM THE ONLY PERSON THAT IS WILLING TO MAKE ME BETTER RIGHT NOW AND I A
I NEED RESCUING OVER AND OVER AND AGAIN AND AGAIN BECAUSE I CANNOT REACH ALL THE WAY DOWN MY THROAT AND PULL THE WEED OUT ROOTS AND ALL SO IT GROWS BACK AN INFINITE NUMBER OF TIMES UNTIL I AM CRYING AND IT IS SLOWLY KILLING ME AND
WHAT I DONT UNDERSTAND IS WHY IS LOVE SO READILY AVAILABLE TO SOME PEOPLE BUT SO HARD FOR ME TO ACCESS WHY IS IT SO EASY FOR ME TO LOVE OTHER PEOPLE BUT HARDER THAN HELL TO LOVE MYSELF AND WHY IS IT OKAY THAT I CAN SO COMPLETELY IN
PINK LIPS AND A TONGUE MADE OF FIRE AND CRACKED TEETH LIKE AN OLD PORCELAIN SINK THIS IS WHY I CAN'T GET YOU OUT OF MY HEAD THIS IS WHY I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOUR BLOOD FLOWING THROUGH MY VEINS BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH I TRY TO CUT IT OU
BECAUSE YOU AND I ARE LIKE ASHES FALLING INTO THE BATHTUB WATER OFF OF THE END OF YOUR LIT CIGARETTE AND I AM SO SAFE AND YOU ARE SO DANGEROUS AND WHEN WE ARE TOGETHER YOU TRIP LIGHTLY FROM THE FLAMES AROUND YOU AND FIZZLE OUT IN M
I am hardwired to feel every emotion so deeply that I have to rip holes in my skin to let them out and I am not human enough to be considered alive on the other side of it all
IT IS ELEVEN FIFTY EIGHT ON A WEDNESDAY NIGHT AND I AM LYING IN A HOTEL BED WITH YOUR NAME ON MY WRIST STARING AT THE CEILING AND IM TRYING SO FUCKING HARD NOT TO CRY BUT HOLY SHIT I MISS YOU I MISS YOU I MISS YOU LIKE HELL AND I D
It is wet and rancorous
and my new leather shoes would feel the worst of it long before I got to class.
I stopped, before exiting, to appreciate the mighty storm – and open my umbrella.
Am I not good enough for them?Is who I am not who they want me to be?They want me to be this plastic, perfect figure that I don’t seeAnd they need to know, they need to know
I’ve seen apart of me I didn’t recognize.
Through my eyes I saw how my reactions to your actions, made me low, low point on the scale,
I’ve inhale, what you’ve exhaled to me.
sitting in the broken land. surrounded by dead memories of lost friends.
family and friends are all dead,
the ties to my history have no thread.
i lay motionless,
cry towards beauty and sonnetts to the grave,
This body is not an apology
This blacked out mirror
This blacked out skin
This skin like shadows
This shadow makes noise
This "bitch don't make noise"
Life, too often, is rushed.
No time to waste, no time to relax
No time to even say good morning
" Tick-Tock " says the clock!
Everyone's gotta be somewhere
Rush, rush, rush
Rush to school
The fact that evil is stronger than good
is evil itself.
Why must good be weaker than evil?
Why must death me faster than creating life?
Why must bullies be stronger than nerds?
It seems these days the only way to be considered for anything is to be a battered, broken, shell of a person. The scholarships, the colleges, they want survivors They want the best storyBut what about me?
Am I good enough? Who are you to say I’m good enough? Who am I to say I’m not? Not adequate, not worthy. Worthy of the things I have and more, and the things that God has in store . . . for me you see it is not easy to speak highly of myself.
My inadequacy
Has spawned storms on the sea
As everyone that matters
Has climbed up the ladder
They've escaped my tether
And found bigger and better
They insist there’s still love
