flashbacks
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nobody sees me
nobody hears me
swear I've been screaming
tell me I'm dreaming
tired of running
away from my mind
somebody help me
stop pressing rewind
I remember those days...
days consisting of playing, being happy, laughing,
days when words didn't hurt,
days when we supported each other,
days when we didn't hurt each other,
Why
Why was Life so hard?
Why was it so bleak?
How come Life was overjoyed
As it preyed upon the weak?
How did Satan reach us?
I've been having nightmares about you after the sun leaves the sky,
Every. Single. Freaking. Night.
Telling myself that the info received is dry,
would be telling myself a lie: I repeat, my nightmares are not lies.
I can only describe her in phrases that don't make sense
in images
in times of night
or metaphors.
She isn't real and never will be again.
She's dead. I'm not. Ironic.
She comes in waves
I'm alone and can't sleepThere's no one here but meI'm stuck with all these memoriesIf they could only see
This is normal says the teacher
Talking about the emotions
Of a person in a book
And suddenly I am not in the class
I am five again
His hands wandering to places they shouldn't
It's about the locked door
it's about the sound of a slipped belt
trauma like brain damage
it's about shrunken corners that don't shelter
it's about hearing pants drop to the floor
wishing ears to deafen
Inside, around, behind
what's in my mind?
Flashbacks
tons of flashbacks.
I wiggle, I scream
hes too mean.
I can't get away
but you think I did it to
myself.
A young girl plays in the warm sunlight.
Tag, you're it.
Running, Laughing, Living.
Hours pass.
Like all children, the girl in the lavender dress is restless.
Dusk.
Look in a mirror and see a monster
The hate inside, fighting to take control
In school they don’t see, at least not really
They see a person not a monster
I see so much of him inside of me
