scared
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The black matter in me continues to grow
I feel it continue to spread all around
This nervousness, fear, and hystericalness
That continues to go around me, surrounding
I hate that I am allowing myself to get excited,
Because the whole time I have been telling myself to go into this light hearted.
But I have realized that I have not learned how to keep myself out of this mess,
I never want to hurt you
I want to be like this forever
I hope I didn’t hurt you
Ooh I hope this doesn’t hurt you
—
The best way that I can explain life is that it is like a thread,
And the length of your string all depends on what you went through and the words that were said.
Why is it that our minds try to convince us that the worst is going to come true?
And that even when you try to convince yourself other wise, it doesn't seem to work, no matter what you do.
Some of us never really learn to fly
Some birds hop from the nest
Destined to taste earth
Destined for the fall
And some of us stay behind
Afraid to fall like the ones we lost
For the first time,
after locking up my heart
after building these walls
im ready to leave this comfort zone
this space I've created where I stopped letting others get close
im ready to leave it all behind,
you're so uniquely your own
so perfectly imperfect that it makes my heart hurt just thinking of you
but i'm so scared because no matter how much i need you
you'll never need me with the same earnest.
Amy please let go of my heart
My lounges need room to expand
And i find it hard to breath
When you press my chest like that.
Amy i know your easily scared
i still remember
the feeling of your hand
holding onto mine
our fingers intertwined
i miss our silliness
as we tickled each other and laughed together
or when you put you arm around me
how curious it must be
to feel your own heart beating
warm and pulsing
as you know without a doubt
you're still alive
i wonder what it feels like
the pain in my head is not the same
Darkness is to me,
Like demons are to Hell.
My cold and lonely residence
Kept hidden in this shell.
"I'll teach you how to smile", they say
"I'll teach you how to shine.
I'll teach you how to love,
Crying alone in the dark
Every night it is the same
I’m too sick to make friends
And way Too tired to smile
Living with anxiety is like living in an invisible box. It has 7 walls, one for every day of the week and a glass ceiling to remind you that you’ll never escape. The box’s name is fear.
When I was a child I used to wonder why the veterans in town didn’t like the fireworks on the 4th of July. I thought that’s what they fought for, the freedom to make things go boom.
As birthdays pass by, I start to reflect my memories on the past years more and more.
I am getting older, and so is everyone around me including my parents
I had a key,
To my heart,
It was only for me,
To play my part.
I gave away the key,
To a boy,
Feather light touches,
blink and they’re gone.
I used to watch flowers in the early Spring bloom,
unfurling the curl of their petals in a yawn
Sometimes we run.
Just run. And run.
Sometimes not fast enough
to escape our problems.
But sometimes we run
so fast
we forget to
slow down
and enjoy our gift.
I’m standing up here to tell you that this isn’t easy
It’s like not being supported by any ground under your feet
I can feel my heart playing jump rope with my vocal cords
1 Her eyes, they were not as bright as they used to be.
2 But even though she mostly wore black, her mind was a rainbow full of colors.
I’ve lost my map and I have no clue where I am going
The fear of not knowing has continued growing
The way I am has been lost for months
A Year Alone
I chose to go,
to somewhere that was quite unknown.
A Year Alone;
A long plane flight.
I cried myself to sleep that night.
A Year Alone,
Strange Family.
Roses are red
Violets are blue,
I was afraid to talk about sex with you.
I didn't know what to say,
I didn't know how
Please me why this is such hell.
Talking with trust
get out...
get OUT...
get out of your head...
Don't be so awkward...
Socialize...
I stand in the corner of the room holding a cold cup.
One foot forward, then back.
It is not that deep
It will cool you off
It makes my hard shell become soft
The dangers of the big blue
The one that cleanse you
Think of life, never to be forgotten
Heart is open and never closing
Mouth is moving, words are spoken
Everything shakes.
My eyes flash.
I wake up.
You walk past.
Shadow figure,
With elegant grace.
My heart bangs,
Everyday is like a nightmare.
I would rather be elsewhere.
But my fears are here,
It feels so severe.
I’m afraid of giving up.
I was in love once,
And a painful ordeal it was.
I tried so hard to be the perfect one,
To be the one that she wanted.
I didn’t realize then,
I can still hear it ringing in my ear
It’s been months now, but I still can’t shake the fear
Tears roll down my face
Thinking back on the time when I was all but safe
I still remember the stormy weather
Tired bone and sorrowed hand,
Make of thee all that you can.
Build thy life of hope and tear,
Of all thy love and all thy fear.
A tight emptiness in my throat
A quick consideration of options but endlessly told to say nothing
Youth does not hide the terror in trying or the knife swallowed as i do nothing
Intermission has failed me.
A trip wire was not part of my blocking-
It left me on my knees.
Broadway lights, turning off with a loud
Shunk
I can’t see anything, for I am sleeping.
I can’t feel anything, for I am dreaming.
I’m breathing, I’m breathing.
Chest in, chest out.
The darkness surrounds me in a beautiful blanket of security and love.
Picture It
If a picture is worth more than a thousand words,
What is the worth of a single word alone?
help me,I want to dieI want that knifeI want the lasting peace
I hate meI hate how I have everything,and I still feel like dyingI hate how I cant love her enough
Wake up, roll out of bed
Hit the floor, legs like lead
Emotions are weighing me down
Dawn my mask to cover my frown
My mask of Immaturity
My mask gives me security
i dont know if im really who i say i am if im happy if im great who knows what i am no one but me. but im making sure that even knows my image and my heart im sad and happy who i am limbo i just want to obtain that one thing every human desires ha
A walk through the woods
On a cold Winter's Night,
Brought up such terrors
And gave quite a fright.
I stepped through a clearing
Bathed in Moonlight.
A large lump Beyond
Didn't look quite right.
I am quiet most of the time.
I just stare and think.
My words get frozen within my lungs.
And I believe my thoughts are deadly.
People tend to ask me,
"why are you so quiet?"
Handfuls of hair tugged tight,Kids crying out in fright,Do they know this is why people cry at night?People thinking they are always in the right,
Oh my,
This hurting in my sternum
Is very concerning
I turned to smoking and drinking
and pill popping as solutions.
But broken hearts feel
What normal hearts wish they could,
She was pure poison
Striking at what she wanted most
and pushing away those
who got in the way.
She wanted something odd,
maybe to make herself seem more full:
I once had a dream
That I could fly.
I flew so high,
Oh so high,
Now that I think back
That was a scary thing
There once was a cave,
There lived three bears,
A momma, a daddy, and a cub.
They lived happily hunting and hybernating.
Once, they were out hunting.
Sleepless Nights
Naeha Inapanuri
Those nights.
I lay awake
All that comes to mind
Is everything I ever did wrong.
The demons,
Eyes open I can feel but not see,
What is this pain overwhelming me?
Am I alive, Can I breathe?
You see not long ago it was you and me,
You and I, He and she there-
I was alive, I could breathe.
Something in my gut tells me to just run away, move on and find someone less difficult
but then a spark of hope ignites in my heart and says
Dear Fear,
You strike out of nowhere like a snake killing its prey.
Wrapping your tight body around me until I can’t catch my breath.
She heard his ragged breathing, but there was no one on the other end of the line.
It was another voicemail, just one of the many he sent late last night.
Dear Mr. Trump,
The art of the deal? Well I can see the appeal.
But the things that you spout- I can't beleive that they're real.
It's like being first in mario kart, and then slipping on a peel.
To others that do not understand,
they call you jitters, uneasiness, or maybe worries
but you are so much more than what it may seem.
You are anxiety, misery in its purest form
My stomach tied in knots, my heart beating fast. I'm wondering how long this feeling is going to last. I'm scared.
Love is like a poorly made bridge.
It's not able to bear much weight,
It collapses under pressure,
And sometimes it's just really scary to face.
Concrete jungles and,
Life without struggles
Hunting for cuisine with,
Sharpened green
Traveling rolling canoes on,
Dark gray routes
I wish not to be forgotten
Or my seemingly numb heart
Because of the things I’ve said
But did not meant
And my dry voice
look, i never meant to hurt you
i never even meant to care
i've been hurt too many times before
honestly i think we've all been there.
i never meant to scare you,
to tell you about my past.
Dear College,
I've heard a lot about you.
People say you're great, a real relationship,
so much better than high school.
But I'm scared.
Really scared.
The scarce embrace of
someone so distant,
Yet so warm you feel, just by
hearing their voice
And the dark cloud hangs over you,
only because you want them there,
why do I stare into your eyes?
not with lust
not with desperation
but with a new found curiosity
because i love you
why do i willingly let you scribe your name into my fragile skin?
not with pain
Because I Love You
I protected you from bullies since we were little.
"Crybaby" "Loser" "Whiny" "Weak"
They called you all this and more, but I stopped it
Because I Love You.
Classes separated and we drift,
I'm afraid.
I'm afraid of the dark.
I'm afraid of horses.
I'm afraid of heights.
I'm afraid of drowning.
I'm afraid of death.
Each and every snowflake is different from the others.
There is something calming about standing outside and watching the snowfall.
I'm screaming
crying out in an echoed room
Love me
my own voice makes my ears bleed
the thumping in my head won't stop
Love me
I'm on my knees
my hands matted in my hair
Love me
Bound by blood,
This wicked hate
This unsettling darkness,
This thing that only we know about.
Trapped by fears,
We shiver in the cold.
No one knowing what we hold.
I am lost
I am found
I am dark
I am light
I can be happy
I can be sad
What am I?
I am human
Yes, I'm scared
Boom!
The sound of another gun shot.
Breaking news!
Another murder.
Seek shelter!
Another flood.
What is this?
It is a mad world,
but also a bad one.
They say you see
someone’s soul
Through their eyes
I see their souls
In the money they
Slide into my jacket
I am terrified
I shelter my heart with my hands
I am terrified
to hurt and to hurt another
I am terrified
I am numb
I am... numb
I am terrified
so please, please don't abandon me darling
Congratulation,
You graduated.
Now to begin the rest of your life.
Now I need you to sign away the next 4 years,
To more schooling,
And growing debt.
Outside of these walls, I see the world falling.
People of this so called great country is drowning.
The hatred is radiating off of souls,
the words said to eachother are foul.
When will the anger die down?
it's 11:58 and i can't sleep, glitter is coming out of my eyes and it's cutting them open
my ears are dripping beeswax in some dumb attempt to block it out
im alone, so alone
You and I we´re made of broken glass
broken dreams
broken hope
bitter dust
burnt to ashes
stuck in a timelapse
of what we could have been
could´ve done
should´ve said
Close your eyes.
Breathe.
Count to ten.
One.
Two.
Your heart begins beating faster and faster, causing a terrible pain inside.
You bring your hands to your chest and dig your fingers into yourself.
Senior Year: Second semester
College freshman: Second semester
Prom, graduation, ditch day, freedom
Fear, home sick, scared, broken
A year of love and excitement
There are 365 days in a year
That means
There are more than 365 chances
For my life
To change
Each a little more
Every day
That girl
you see that girl over there
the girl with the naive face
the one who trust everyword you say
I wanna know what you’ll notice
Cuz you’ll never say no
But know this
I can’t get my mind off of you
And I find myself smiling
Imagining we kiss
And I stop to think the way you just don’t
All my life I wished to be special. I've never been quite sure why and perhaps I never will but I always dreamed of being unique.
Just come around,
So that I can be found.
You can't always cope,
But you will always find hope.
In sickness and death,
Every second could be his last breath.
You always say you want the truth...
So I'll provide it
But it won't be easy to understand
Because I don't understand it myself.
Sometimes I hate you.
I just really really really hate you.
Now that I'm getting closer to the end I'm scared. I don't see what everyone else sees in me anymore. I have failed so many times in my eyes. When others try to shine a light on me I ran and hide knowing I'm unworthy of its shine and warmth.
It's painful
That helps
Not really
To describe it
Seems a little
Silly
For me
Pain is
Your heart
I want
To throw it
Away sometimes
Because too often
The clock ticks slowly
Yet fast and maliciously
Time is running out
No time to flee
Heart hammering
Breath quickening
Bones paralyzed
Quaking with fear
In shoes that are
Tendrils bloomed on the horizon,
you could smell,
the burning,
you could feel,
the hatred,
you could hear,
the oppression.
But touch,
no man's contmeplation.
Fear, something everything is born with
It can’t be washed away or forgotten
Whether it be a child’s fear of monsters in the dark
NO
What song was I listening to?
NO
How fast was I going?
NO
What time was it?
NO
Where was I going?
NO
Where did I come from?
NO
Where is my other tire?
NO
I am a bird
I am free to fly wherever I want
But I choose to stay in my nest
There are people out there who's job is to hunt
But my nest is the best and I choose not to stray
I love my nest
Chocolate rolled curls and a wide bridged nose
Your absence invokes poignancy in me
And yet, I am gay at the sound of your twinkling voice
Calling me sunshine, your angel, your baby
Why are there so many things in this world to worry about?
Why do I wait and wander in my worries when I could be doing something fun
like making babies or going on journeys?
Why is the world so mean?
How can you expect her to sleep
when the wolves outnumber the sheep?
How can you expect her to close her eyes
when it always allows her demise?
In this world it's dangerous to even blink
With two fingers down my throat I taste only shame as I imagine myself with a negative 2 inch waist and a gap between my legs that could've gone on for a mile and I envision the boned creature that dances in the darkest corners of my mind parading
Don't romanticize this and say some boy or girl will pick you up off the floor and hold you in his arms and wipe your tears away and kissing you anyways. This is the gruesome reality of always smelling like puke. It never goes away.
Late night woken, barely alive.
struggling to see the light through other's eyes.
covered in darkness, covered to the core.
try to show people me, but they don't see the sores.
i can feel you looking at me when i walk past you.
you see me, you act like you didn't, but i can feel your eyes on me.
you only have two eyes but it feels like a million.
it feels gross. it feels dirty. it feels scary.
Put the food down,
Girls look better thin.
Don't frown,
Smiles always win.
Don't cry,
People will think you're insane.
Look away from football,
Let boys enjoy their game.
"The dreams of a girl
Not her own thoughts
Deeper i fell
I was taught,
How to kill.
Only in dreams
Would i see Such a thing
The horror seeped through
No longer i trust
" We cannot escape
They are coming
With poisoned words
And glinting swords
We cannot escape
They are marching
Towards us and towards the war
We cannot escape
"Death whispers to me,
saying"honey pretty please"
But even if I ask it to leave,
It still follows me.
I turn down a dark alley,
But no it's just a hall way,
And i'm late for biology.
What if it's cancer?
What if it's cancer with no cure?
The pain comes and goes
The pressure is constant
At first it was like a ball was at the base of my spine
I couldn't get comfortable to sleep
"When will the dying end?
when you shed your last tears
Tired of smiles being just pretend
But too scared to face our fears
When will the hate cave in?
Only crying when no one hears
"I am so different now
I never wanted to stand out
I wanted to fade into the crowd
But my thoughts were just too loud
A whisper to a shout
The words come pouring out."
"Footsteps through the fire
But I don't feel a thing
Burning even brighter
I sour on angel wings
Down in a ditch
I can see the light
If I could only reach
I try with all my might
"When anger finds me buried deep
The hurt inside might make me weep
I try and take one final breath
Before I meet a friend called Death
Must go on
Must break free
But Anger tries to keep it from me
I want to roam free in the wild
I’m scared
I want to experience the world
I’m scared
I want to know love for the first time
I’m scared
I want to help people
I’m scared
I knew a girl who got her hair set on fire
Her things stolen, ruined because, a girl, she desired
"Kill yourself, fag." But is being gay so wrong?
Well, she listened to them and now she is gone.
Scared of what? I can’t say
I got to go, have to getaway
Heart begins to thump, to race wild
Feeling frightened, alike a child
Breathing quickens, I want it to slow, get back in control
Drifting away never seemed worse
The thought of what is coming very near
Appears to be much more than just a curse
Like living life in a horror premiere
Facebook
Request
Like
Message
Hey
Flirt
Date
Butterflies
Flirt
Date
Calls
Kisses
Deep conversations
I'm not a mastermind of a poet,
and no one needs to tell me this
because I know it.
I write whats on my mind,
with the intention of clearing my own sky,
because I need it.
Hypothetically, if I told you I loved you would we still be friends?
If I promised to keep a promise but didn't would our friendship depend?
I'm speaking hypothetical and never intend to hurt you.
I will be your strong tree
I will, just give me the key
I am alone
Atleast I am not a clone
I will be there when you cry
I will leave if you lie
I am true
I don't know what you go through
The first time i ever saw you i was lost for words, but not for the reasons you may think. You see i was lost for words because you sat right next to me and barely acknowledged my existence.
College?
What does it mean?
A lot of experiences?
A simple routine?
The first year living on campus is always quite something.
You make friends, relationships,
And even some enemies.
I think you all know this,
To God we do belong,
To him we depend,
Let him be your friend,
For he is always there for you.
A fatherless showdown.
He is around but he’s not.
His ghost still creeps in his body,
What is it to be the one
Who watches their world fall apart before their eyes?
What is it to be innocent
as the ones you love break the walls
and often... -themselves upon them?
A symphony of horror
Plays before my deceitful eyes
Just looking at them is torture
I try to remember it's all a lie
The tremondous demon suspened above me
Extensive teeth, only inches away
She sits there, thoughts swirling around her
A hurricane of hurt and pain
There's no escape. They follow everywhere.
Haunting and creeping through her daily life
This is not my face.
This is a façade
I have worn this mask forever, so long I almost forget it's not really me
But I am not alone in this
We all hide ourselves at times
I chose to hide forever
How are we supposed to move beyond yesterdayWhen we are not confident in tomorrow?How can one moment you be so sure...and the next time feel borrowed?How can all the joy we found, be remembered now as sorrowed?How can time go on long enough for...
I'm freaking out
I'm upside down
I'm scared and afriad
I want to know my fate
But when I do
I still won't have a clue
Of what to do
With myself
For my health
We're all just fucked up, living in a fucked up world.
I go out drinking to forget my boyfriend.
I find myself with an epiphany, I am more important.
I sigh and I sit on this pavement that is cold.
I still believe
in the Boogey Man.
His image has changed
throughout the years.
His claws are now stress,
digging into my skin,
pulling out my hair.
His eyes glow yellow,
Who am I ?
Im a young black African American teen.
The one who always gets in trouble.
Always getting locked behind bars.
Six feet in the ground.
Or a bullet wound.
Who am I ?
Dealing
Small, fractured bones
Dealing
Life-changing codes
Dealing
Broken homes
Dealing
Depression grows
Overcoming
Healing wounds
Overcoming
Death assumed
You awaken my ungratified soul,
Lest I lay in the snare of my skin and bones,
You resemble an angels grace and a sense of hope,
Take my spirit and don't let go.
Call me in and let the light rush forth,
Light feet beat out the rhythm lodged within the recesses of her wild mind,bringing to lifethe sweet melodiesof Mother Earth.Soft lips sing the truth of the world
Her eyes sparkled like onyx
But her head was bald
She walked slow but steady
Wasn't sure about life but she was ready
And she
Was beautiful
He lost half his face in the blast
3 a.m. knocks and awakes my fear.
soft plush droplets
sparkle the stars,
gliding down
a glass cold water.
Quite stale from a few hours
sitting on the bedside.
I Wish
I wake up and dress my face up in camoflague to protect me
My true values bottled up from my adversaries
Skeptical whether not to expand my horizons
Here I am.
All alone, yet somehow surrounded, by the lights, the noise, and the all the people, so slow.
Is it slow?
Who am I? Who are you?
A mirror.
I am you. I am the reflection of you. The true you. Your heart. Your soul. Your inner being. Your every essence. You have an indelible presence.
Its supposed to be like the magazines
Loads of friend in highschool
Choosing your prom dress
Obsessing over dates
But I'm starting college in a month
I have a few friends
And terrified of relationships
Neglect–ed
Ringed out with blood and stretch marks.
Wrinkles written in between the crevices of my eyes.
They sting and burn. Fighting, fighting, and falling.
I kept falling. I failed.
Scared of being judged by the wandering eyes.
Society preaches the importance of diversity.
Why do people feel the need to live a life of lies?
Unaccepting glances create adversity.
You know that feeling you get when you walk alone?
The feeling that somebody else is there?
You get the sensation of footsteps behind you
But you are too afraid to turn and look?
I am scared and alone
I wonder what death feels like
I hear snickers and whispering at all times
I see hatrd in the mirror
I want to be numb
I am scared and alone
I pretend that I am happy
To leave everything you have known
Is simply the continuation of Life.
We live like everything is for sure,
When everything comes as a fight.
I’m scared to tell you what’s going to happen,
‘Cause I’m not ready to let you go,
I’m scared if I tell you,
We might never grow,
I’m scared to say “I love you”,
‘Cause it ain’t so,
It can be hard to stop and think about the man behind the curtain.the one thats truly hurtingThe one thats not deservingYou can never be confident with the one behind the curtain.
It was a joke
Such a cruel, sick joke
The type of joke that your best friend pulls on you
When you are sleeping
Scared
I'm scared to be myself
To show that who I love
Isn't "just a phase"
That it's okay to love someone
Someone of the same gender.
But that it's okay to also love
I am alone
A single soul
Who's heart is cold
Bound by the thought of everyday madness
Kept awake by the sobs of every night sadness
The tears feel like fire upon my eyes
The days end in long sighs
A face, they see, a smile so wide
A heart, they hear, beats strong inside.
But they do not know, they cannot see,
The troubles and darkness inside of me.
A girl, my age, lives so far away,
I sit quietly ignoring the pain, but she whispers to me. I try to eat, but she whispers to me. I try to laugh and almost succeed, but she whispers to me.
What is she whispering?
Hate. Slander. Lies.
Cocooned.
Trapped
in lucid pristine existence.
Sheltered,
Hidden,
from troublesome reality.
Delicate wings,
You stretch them to fly,
but ensnared by the inexperience,
how is i that i lay here
listening to sad songs and the pouring rain
letting vodka slip down my throat into my veins
counting seconds between lightning and thunder...
how is it that with this razor in my hand
let me tell you our story
well, I don’t know your story
but I know mine
and I want to tell you why I ran away
i know it’s been a year
Write all my wrongs.
I hit my highs and I'm gone.
You make it easy to stay,
Grounded, and well rounded.
I wish I recognized the difference
Between how it felt and how it sounded.
Cybil pushed through the parlour egress
She did not like to think what lay beyond the recess
For her imagination raged and galloped
And thought up all manner of horrible things
Did you see that? That, there.
That lady is staring at me.
She keeps looking over here.
Do I have a booger in my nose?
Is my receding hairline showing?
Twenty years old with a receding hairline.
The sharp and the stabbingLike the shards of a broken bottleAnd its gleaming smoothnessLike the beads of a necklaceThey cut my stomach liningLuminescent- like stolen stars
"Thank God I hate pain."
I said to my mother the day I got close.
"Thank God I'm smart."
I say to my parents when it gets really hard.
"Thank God I have someone."
I say to the one friend who will listen.
A smile on my face pretending nothing is wrong, being scared, nervous, and sad it was unbearable and it happened that strong.
Every morning, I attach this,
Balloon to my belt.
Never have I felt,
So weightless,
Unsparing, regardless.
A broken heart will remember its wounds.
A mind scarred will remain scarred.
A body touched cannot be untouched.
But another bottle won't fix it all.
And the high only lasts for a moment.
he tells me to trust him...
he holds me so close...
frighteningly close...
i am shaking
he insists it was the drinks
but as he wraps his arms around my waist
I scare myself
It’s not being good at being bad
Though that too plays in
It’s what happens within dreams
The reality and sin
It’s the reflection of what you fear
Thought up by your subconscious
I want to hear from you
What you have to say
Whatever is on your mind
I know you feel empty,
Alone, and scared.
I know that from the very first
Moment you heard the phrase
He may not know it but, she fell hard for him.
Harder than a naked body belly flopping against a freezing pool of water.
Like glass breaking against her skin.
She may not reliaze it, but he's drunk with love.
God, I just want to know your plan.
I want to be able to count the number of setbacks I will have on my fingers.
I want to know if my heart will still have to endure more pain.
I want to know if I'll get divorced too.
my brain awoke, but my eyes stayed shut. it felt as if 100 lb dumbells hung from my eyelashes, streatching them across my face.
Bones rattling
It's just two words
Why are they so hard to spit out?
Skin dripping
Isn't this what you've been wanting?
Haven't you wanted to tell them?
Mind reeling
A lost little girl
Stuck in a world
Full of monsters and criminals
Scared to fall asleep
Because of the men who rob her of her dreams
I should have never said yes
before I knew it
to the car we went
strapped my seatbelt
innocence
I should have never said yes
as the car's speed inclined
he protested the drive
letting anger decide
We are scared of being judged.
We are scared of being wrong.
We are scared of sounding dumb.
We are scared of change.
We are scared of the future.
We are scared of relationships.
I want you to see
See beyond the masquerade that the wanderers in the hallway notice
See beyond the eighty different shades of color that my hair fluctuates between
Overlooking the ripples from a pier far above,
I hear a distant roar of the waves that I love.
The sound hits my ears like a baseball hits the glove.
Scared hiding from the thing scaring me
Scared of the loud sounds I hear
Scared that tomorrow may never come
Scared that life is to short for comfort
Scared to be alone
Scared that I haven't done enough
Shadows playing tricks on me
shallow is the night
The wind whispers lies to me
deceitful is the night
Together they weave fairytales too good to be true
Dead man walking
Sentened by the boss
Look who's talking
Sorry for the loss
Dead man walking
We'll get there somehow
But where are we now?
Let's get rolling
They call me the "Ice Queen" for a reason.
I honestly don't know what happened.
Even when I was kid, young, naive, and believing in everything, I didn't believe in myself
Don't tell me you're sorry
If it takes my blood
Dripping to the floor
For you to notice
You're not truly sorry
You're just desperate
For a quick relief
--How much pain
How many tears
How many times must I say the word LOVE
How many broken hearts must I suffer from
How many times do I have to stare at a blank response
How many lies
Paddling so hard
from the water wall behind.
Too slow and i fall.
Then I tumble and I roll
to submerge to the unknown.
Who will I be if this is to happen...
If god or whoever it is up there
Allowed for something like this to be
where inside of me could
He's on every wall of every room,
Around our necks and in our heads,
In our hearts, in what we said.
He hangs on the cross,
Head bowed in shame
'Cause you can't do one thing.
What do you actually see when you look into these dark brown eyes?
Do you see a girl with happiness all around her or a girl galloping through a meadow filled with dasies.That's what you think you see but you dont really see the
You're the time taken up,
I will never have enough.
You're the words, flooding down,
I see the ink, pouring out.
You're the dreams I see at night,
I can't explain this sense of "right."
She was beautiful once. She was feisty once. She could ride a Harley, choke a stogie and found herself as a fine woman of the 50’s.
I am a piece
Of broken glass
With sharp, corroded edges
If you touch me
You'll bleed, and become connected
With all the secrets
I try to keep.
I am jagged,
Dirty,
Cold.
I'm not sure
Where I came from
Not sure
That I care
Don't know my heritage
I've come from everywhere
I suppose I'm from
My mother
But the pieces
Are all wrong
Button eyes
The social media has built up bullying
And the principals won’t do anything
They say “kids will be kids” or “we’ll figure something out”
He's a failure
In my class he won't survive
17 and black?
I'm surprised he's alive
He's just a stupid football player
Is that all you think I am?
Just another statistic?
Disgracing Uncle Sam?
I don't think you understand
The effect the word 'college' has on me.
The more you talk,
The more my heartbeat races.
Taking off like a plane to Britain
It won't stop.
A shiny lock
Numbers written around the edge in a circle
I watch as it turns
Back and forth
The numbers blend together
Amd I get confused and lost
No longer sure how to unlock it
Small dark places are where I escapeSome may think it’s rather strangeThat I seek solace in this place So small and crampOne can barely breath But here there is silence No yelling mothers
what seems so easy
isn't to some
makes them feel queazy
terrified of whats to come
speaking in front of a variety
for a simple presentation
those who suffer social anxiety
When my Great Grandmother was near death in the hospital
I was curious to see what an old person's butt looks like,
so I kept standing on my tippie toes to catch a see
The ball bounces against the crack of the drive
Two little girls laugh as they miss the backward shot.
Dusk disappears like their childhood
What is the world just stopped turning?
I may just give up.
What if the world gave up?
I could let everything go.
What if the world let everything go?
I would feel very scared.
Your panting, screaming, something’s coming, but you cannot tell what,
You run into a new room, and make sure the door is shut.
You think of what could be chasing, hidden from afar,
I think I saw a robbery today.A man just fiddling with the door.He looked at me watching,I know he saw.
He looked me in the eyesI just stood there frozenI knew what he was thinking.I was going to die.
Take my handHold it tightTell me Things will be alrightI am scaredYou were rightThese thingsAlways were in sight
In this mind full of clutter, this mind they called crazy.
The memories still live, yet the image is now hazy.
This paper understands me, it puts my mind at ease.
With a deep breath, I write and the voices suddenly cease.
Pen to paper
Fingers to keys
Words spitting from these blistered lips
Words that bare my soul
I hide myself behind smiles and laughter
So you don't see my pain, feel my terror
“You smell like cigarettes”, she said.
“That’s because I smoke”, he said.
I write to express myself
To show that there’s more
To what you see on the outside
Inside there is a girl
Who has been through hell and back
But keeps a smile on her face
I remember the storm outside. Its raging winds beat up against the house. The family was due back hours ago. So I will wait a little longer.
Everyday we walk through the Air.
We hear things,
See things,
in a way that others don't.
Everyday we walk through this Hell.
We feel things,
taste things
in a way that others don't
LIfe,
How awkward it can be.
Concerned looks,
I feel so uncomfrotable.
HIding in my skin,
I find the real person I am.
And to be honest...
The real me scares me.
I'm Scared. For the last eighteen years of our life we've known only what we are told, but after you are handed your diploma, you will forever be catapulted through what we call life.
I tend to get scared when I think about my life.
What happens when it just ends?
I've never really believed in a god or an after life.
All of that just seems silly and make believe.
Lead me true
I’m walking on a tightrope
Moving so slow.
I’m walking on a tightrope with
With know where to go.
I entered a new place
It was different and scary
I was afraid of it
I didn’t know what would happen
I knew most
But also knew none
There were those who knew me
When I didn’t know myself
We'd promised each other
"No Feelings."
But I don't think our hearts were in it.
From our first smile,
touch,
laugh,
and kiss,
something began to grow in us...
Remember when the only thing that scared us was the shadow in our room.
We would be scared to look under the bed. And the closet was our only enemy.
Life seemed simpler when we were young.
I need it to breathe. These poems, they aren't just words or even songs to me.
They help me find out who I really am, they make me see, they make me see the good the ba and the ugly in me.
Do you feel as I do
do you see as I do
like the world is fake
like it isn't there
Does it scare you
Does it frighten your very soul
The traitors of the past were never washed away
They have procreated and created the haters of today
They continue to feed of negativity
And deter you from accomplishing any relative impossibility
I came
I went
I left broken
I'm gone
and haunted
will I cry and break
or will I hold strong for mothers sake
I came
I went
I left broken
This is your year to leave the nest
Your mother cries,
Your father cries,
Wishing you all the best
This is the year you must look after your own health
Time to take the claws out and fend for yourself
who am i
who are you
what are we really
can you answer questions or not really
see we spend so much time judging by wats on the outside
when are we gonna see wats on the inside
Scared and alone
No one around for miles
To just lend an ear.
You traveled for days
Just hoping to find someone
Who would care.
People cannot fill this void,
Humans cannot make you whole.
What makes the hair on your arms rise,
your palms sweat,
the breath catch in your chest like a wild thing caged?
Is it the dark?
A fleeting memory of a bed ime story,
Silently screaming for what comes
After the red rush
Everything will be fine
Except for maybe when black scars
Meet my friends, my blades, my blades, my
Sanity lies in them.
Unless there is no –
It's almost here
As I count down the days, I can't help but feel scared
I leave my old life behind to pursue something new
Looking at the cap and gown hanging beside me
I can't help but feel like crying
I am expendable.
And I absolutely will not believe that
I can do great things.
I understand this may be a surprise, but
“Have faith in your abilities”
Was a lie, and
“I’ll never figure it out”
I have 98 days until I’m gone
Gone from friends, gone from family, gone from home
I have 98 days to get ready
Deadlines, clothes, jobs, money
I have 98 days to think
Am I ready ? Or am I not? Can’t it just wait?
Drained.
Life has been drained from me.
Care.
I don’t anymore.
Live.
Something that is getting harder to do.
Be.
Something I just can’t anymore.
They tell me it will be fine.
That it's just a little nap.
Then they make race car sounds as they push the bed in the white room.
They put a plastic cup over my mouth and tell me it might taste funny.
Society stalks me,
A spectre of the REM world,
Like Krueger…it creeps up on me,
Only this time…I know I won’t wake up.
My life is a terrible secret, trapped inside Pandora’s Box.
The thick white
The sky has no light
The smell of soil
And weeds
And my barefeet,
Let me breathe.
This sundress
Is too thin to cover me.
Where are you God?
I’m afraid they’ll see
Broken street I’m forced to travel as ice tickles porcelain cheek.
Crystal leaves forbidden trail now, my traitor heart still beats for thee.
Starting to run,
crying tears of blood.
Ambushed by my own demons.
Remembering the stupid decisions.
Enduring the pain delt by my own hand.
Dying inside, over and over.
Through my eyes
Your see the fear and pain.
A very negative pain that could hurt for life,
With nothing more than hate for you.
In a little house, just off the main road
I lived and loved with my family.
The house was small, and often cramped,
But it was warm, with good smells and lots of smiles.
It was a house of imagination,
Have you ever been in love with a ghost?
A reincarnation of a soul that you once loved freely in a past lifetime
But in this one you are only allowed to love behind closed glass doors and one way mirrors
If I were to be perfectly honest with myself, I would have to say too many dead bodies fertilize my mind’s garden. Every nook and cranny between the roots is filled with soiled insecurities.
Wait
Because if you feel
uncomfortable
If you feel frightened
And if you feel like you
have no choice
It's not the right moment
Don't let anyone fool you
It's ok to wait for
Butterflies
A person is as good as their inner image. One should never be judged for the way that they look. Every individual has the right to be looked at by their talents, and the way they treat others.
Mental manipulations manipulate your mind, while you are a sitting empty crack.
A treasured wrapper, unwrapped and tossed after being sucked of whatever treasures you have inside.
~man of the hour
i waited way too long
met women that should be strong
but he left and did her wrong
but baby here i am
the man of the hour
the one to give you power
you see, im here however
I Graduated!
High School is finally over
I am now going to college to be free
It was fun for the moment
Parties
Late nights
Drinking
Being on your own
Then exams begin to come your way
Close your eyes
Feel the breeze
Hear the wind
In the trees
Shed a tear
Say goodbye
Life is flying
Right on by
New beginning
a fresh start
Leaving home
Breaks your heart
You call me son.
I call you by name.
The things you have done
You should be ashamed.
You say you are a better man,
You want me to see.
My eyes are open
To the man who stands before me.
I was born into a great family
When you have a family it is not always about me.
A family is about love
We all fit tight like a glove.
Practically weightless, yet, it weighs on your shoulders.
You either have it or you don't.
You have enough or you don't
You're not addicted.. Yet, you need it.
A short thought of the future, and what do you find?
A scared little girl who is scared out of her mind.
So many questions unable to be answered.
The darkness of the unknown envelops the space.
Being broke a having you wishing money grew on trees
And keys to Mercedes would appear from no where like a stray dog wit rabies
And see I'm scared to love a lady
Such little hands
With little fingers
Such small feet
With little toes
Sandy loves to play outside
Sandy loves to sing as loud
as she can
Sandy loves to love things
She loves pink and dresses
(A poem based on telling my past self four years ago)-Does contain suggestive language
Dear freshman me:
Hey!- you yes you there blond- hair tip moron
-sighs-
Am I ready for the real world?
Time just simply flies by
Now junior, about to be senior
Have thoughts about college, but
Not ready
Not ready, to leave family
Not ready, to leave friends
Tears streaming down these tired eyes,
But I ain't afraid no more.
I cannot stop all your lies,
But I ain't afraid no more.
You hear the waves pounding on the rocks... You know if you get caught in it you'll die immediately but there's no going back.
You feel alone don't you?
Your heart is aching with an unbearable pain.
He hurt you. And he was the one you trusted most.
He broke that and you are mad and upset.
There are a lot of people that Fear what they don't know,
The questions then turn into aggressions leaving them stuck in a hatred zone.
Why must people fear the original and the different?
A yell, a hit, a tear.
Sounds echo in my thoughts
Why am I ignorant? Why do I lie?
I dream; I don’t remember
Well it's nothing new,
Nothing to shake the rattles in the mind
I just want to go away and never return.
Stay free from all concern,
But deep inside I'm afraid I will crash and burn.
Possibly take a wrong turn,
And be forced to make that apprehensive return.
I’m waiting by the phone
For a call that’ll never come.
The power’s out
The phone line’s down.
So I sit and worry the night away.
Watching,
Listening.
For any news
That they’re okay.
When I Sleep, before I wake
I'm in the car, I can't escape.
Driving fast, windows down
No one can help me, no one's around.
It's much too silent, there are no words,
And when I look over, everything is a blur.
Snap awake
I'm full of fear
Oh, its another nightmare
Can't escape
the staring faces
running races
I just can't win
can't win
