grandma
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Walking the brightly lit halls of white walls and pastels.
Past the family holding hands in the doorway.
Past the woman looking frantically from face to face.
As if she really knows what she’s looking for.
As we fight and fumble through our life, around every turn lies a new and exciting challenge.
My grandmother's dupatta smells of jasmine
She shares stories about her golden days under the bright sun
Her contagious laughter brings memories of happy times
We lose track of time
Our Kashmiri chai cools down
I hear the deep rolling growl of my fathers pick up truck pulling into our driveway
The plumes of smoke filling the air like an ominous grey cloud of warning.
The smell of charred peppers fills the room
It was the end of a sweet summer and
She had already pickled all the vegetables she needed for the winter
It’s a beautiful Saturday
I look out to see the sun shine
Feeling very alive inside and to my surprise
I smell food,my nana’s in the kitchen
It’s a beautiful Saturday
I look out to see the sun shine
Feeling very alive inside and to my surprise
I smell food,my nana’s in the kitchen
I was birthed into this world
A hardworking clever woman
It started with my sweet mamaw
Who’s stubbornness and lovingness
Could overpower all of the
Spinning sphere’s evil and anger
Surrounding me are honeysuckles,
and a tall orange tree.
Skipping to the pool,
and the way life used to be.
Gentle days in summer haze,
felt like everyday no matter what.
You were happy when I climbed on your lap.
All soft sounds and soft hands and a cheerful, bubbly voice
Nudging my toddling figure away from the patio’s edge.
Trees no matter the type are meant to stand true and tall
Planted to provide us Love.
Planted to provide us Warmth.
Planted to support us when we fall.
Why is it then that they don’t last forever
See my memories of my grandma’s kitchen is not like that of yours
It didn’t smell like lavender or fresh lemon detergent
The morning after his mother passed
Into some great valley of comfort and stars
My father sat by his computer.
“Listen to this song,” he told me--
Like so many times before--
Lying in bed wondering what I could have changed
The outcome of the day when you took your last breath and God called your name.
I wanted you to stay and didn't understand why it had to end
Knock, Knock, Knock
The door opens to reveal
strawberry, chocolate, coffee
butterflies, flowers,
and the sun shining through
her long dress.
Knock, Knock, Knock
Time to play with her,
Your actions have not gone unnoticed
Nor your tears and prayers taken for granted
Your sacrifices, encouragement, and love shaped me
Into the strong independent woman I am soon to become
As Abuela ages, the stages of a heart break commence
My life is full of confusion with the exlcusion of you being by my side
You taught me the real defintion of love, the kind of love where I feel a great sensation of awareness
yesterday, you asked to stay
then in the morning, you went away.
throughout the day,
my eyes saw gray
just black,
and white,
Within Grandma's holy sanctum resided an altar
before which I was in awe, would stand tip toe in worship
adoring the lines of her ornate hand held ivory mirror
and silver hair brush; hands not folded in prayer
a grandma, a lover, an idol, a savior a women with admirable behavior for someone with nothing she has it allwhen she is needed she always stands tall you empower me to be the best to persevere through any test when i see the way you laugh and s
Jottinng down
Spelling out
Making sure that there is a rythm throughout
A way for a person to just be
The process of writing
The process of rethinking
The process of reforming
I should have known the minute they started treating me different
Well, now I'm all grown and I'm getting thrown out of my ass
Forced to be all on my own, stuck with nowhere to call home
Here she hobbled slowly
With pain in every step,
And there she’s dancing gracefully
But I hurt, because she left.
Here her hands were wrinkled,
Her hair thinning and white,
There’s a soft patter
of mice in the attic,
as they rummage around
in cardboard boxes,
opening their eyes
to the brilliant streak of sunlight
Dear Grandma, I love you so much. You practically raised me. You called me your favorite. Things aren't going too well for you right now. You're always sick, passing out. You're nearly blind, and you don't remember me.
Dear Grandma,
I find myself weakened, in this rendered state;
Pent up in shackles, due to the folly of contemptuous inferiority.
Breaching the seal of established dictum;
The pain of death never goes away
it stays and rots and sings all day
because it cannot do anything but stay
until it lets itself be felt by anyone in its way
Hey! I’ve realized that You are a Venn diagram, but You would never tell me that.
Hm.
dear grandma,
i'm currently applying for college and every day of my life,
i grow more and more appreciative of your presence in my life.
i owe everything i am to you
She looks at meand squints her eyes.Can she see me? Maybe.Her eyes open widebut when she wanted to see the world,her eyes lied.Abuelita it’s me, I’m here!I’m standing right in front of her,
Wilting flowers dying slow.
Dying dying
No,
I can smell the death in this house
Not death like rotting
Death like antiseptic
And clean bedding.
Soap and florescent lights
To heat a dying body.
Dear Grandma,
I'm doing fine. Thanks.
How are you?
...
How long has it been since I last wrote?
Couple weeks. yeah.
...
huh?
...
Like really wrote?
Dear Grandma,
Two years have come and gone. It is difficult to believe it has been so long.
It may feel as though you were just here, but it has been a couple of years.
Dear Grandma,
It’s been roughly a year and a half since you left,
Mom was never the same.
Uncle still sits in your room from time to time and tries to drink away the pain.
Put a smile on my face when I need it
Taught me the importance of self love and to know what is good for me.
Talk to you as well
Love you as well
Growing up,
my grandmother’s house was a second home to me.
Greeted by the smell of lavender and sweet peas,
she provided a safe haven
She had one job.
One simple job.
She must've went back for the basket.
... And her Fitbit.
Kids these days.
Steps don't count themselves,
You know.
If you don't get 10,000
Tell me what to expect
in the many years to come.
Tell me what adventures await,
what sorrow I may face,
what love is yet to come,
what heartbreak we await.
Tell me in all of your wisdom,
I learned to drive today,
Did pretty well,
But you had nothing to say
Because you weren't there.
I graduated last year
A huge celebration with friends.
We had it right here,
There’s a woman of 83
She stands five foot tall,
But presents herself at at least six feet.
She’s what we call a fighter,
But not with weapons
Or words does she arm herself,
But pure willpower.
People say I look just like her,
I act and talk like her.
I have her chubby cheeks and smile.
I have a passion for being on the stage like she did.
She was a fighter,
A letter to mi abuela,
I love you.
Even if you hate that I say it in English sometimes, it still carries the rich rivers of tamarindo & mango juice.
Your favorite.
I found a faded photograph
Of my grandparents
Not the grandparents you’ve met
My grandmother who died of cancer
The one I’m named after
My biological grandfather who killed himself
Grandma’s always got a “helpful remark.”
She once told Sarah that she finally looked like a girl,
and it only took her twelve years.
But I suppose this is her love language,
I’m doing a puzzle and thinking about how we spent the summer after your first chemo sitting next to that ugly, old table mom loved so much; about how we spent those first shitty months summoning all the strength we had to put on a good show for N
She’s my best friend,
The one who I will always defend.
And although she’s been around awhile,
Nobody’s got a better smile.
A life of hardship and struggle,
Coldness enveloped me that day, like a crusting of ice had formed over my soul.
Everything passed in a blur
I could feel it, the constant stabbing pain and bile rising up in the back of my throat as they spoke.
I choose you.
You is all curly hair and rose lotion.
You is all Southern so you don't mind the island heat.
You been all work and no play for fifty years so tonight--
we play.
I choose you.
Young forever at heart
Can never be brought down
Will always be there for you from the start,
And the first one to adjust our frown.
Ready to clean off the tears,
I wish I could have this woman for years.
"I love you Grandma!" I said hugging her knees
Little me knew her value even then
Her warm hugs
Her white hair
Her eyes that squinted when she smiled
That nose that every Ramsay shares
If there wa one thing I need
it wouldn't be my phone, or even weed
It's not an object, not a book to read
but someone who helps me through life, an amazing lead
I don't have a whole lot of family
A woman
Tall, intelligent, and free
Not only took care of herself
But took care of me
Eighteen kids
And a legacy left behind
The wrinkles etched in her face
are like memories etched in my mind.
Cat Woman played in the background
My Grandma’s Strength
Your days span almost a century,
Reaching back into misty foreign times
Now only a few have seen that
Which your eyes have witnessed
Harder times, simpler times
What would I do without my “Mack”
An essay, or poem-probably her fave
It’s just her thing, she’s got a knack
I have left,
But I have not left your minds, or your hearts,
I am gone,
But only from sight,
In each and every one of your hearts my spirit lives on.
I know some of you are sad,
Upset, and
Grandma
Grandma
Have you any faith?
No ma'am
No ma'am
You don't have enough
Grandma
Grandma
Am I ready yet?
No ma'am
No ma'am
You are too full of regret
My grandmother showered her fingerprints in the blueprints of my 18-year old life.
On my first week of preschool,
My cries of hysteria were of no match for her loyal ears,
Tears flow as time whisks her away
Each second her pain escalates, she tries to hide it
Grandma hurls as chemo fills her veins, we pray
It’s the only thing Grandpa can’t fix with his tool kit
loss of words
So it seems so cruel,
Life is hard without you
Finally put to rest from your duel.
These loss of words are hard to face,
Because with out you life has no pace.
(This was written for my grandmother Bonnie who passed away from colon cancer)
My Bonnie lies over the ocean
My Bonnie lies over the sea
She set sail only a couple of days ago
You are family
Whom I have never seen
The one that told me stories
Whenever I was lonely
I speak to you more than I do
to Him who took you
I’ve cried when you left me
And when you told methat dayunder the maple treeI already knew.I didn't recognize, but,I already knew.How...uncertain it is out there.And now you're gone?Leaving?
“Magenta” she says
As her faltering fingers flutter for the polish.
I stroke one layer on her crooked pinky and she sighs
As she strokes my hand with her unpolished thumb.
Grandma Re
You be Beautiful
Like births, like breaths, like time, like life itself.
Hope is not
Just a four letter word
That people throw up in the air
And pray it crashes right
Back down.
It begins with her.
When you look at her
head covered in hair like feathers,
If you were here, I’d tell you how much you mean to me.
If I could hug you I would.
If I could erase the memories of your suffering I would.
The kitchen isn’t the same.
It doesn’t smell the same.
She was beautiful once. She was feisty once. She could ride a Harley, choke a stogie and found herself as a fine woman of the 50’s.
Rest in peace grandma Joanne,
You'll be remembered by every woman and man.
You painted your past and your dreams,
You sewed quilts at their seams,
You helped the poor and healed the sick,
She was like my bestfriend,And she will be with me till the end.She taught me how to dance,And also bought me pants.I visited her everyday,She knew just what to say.Also she got me in trouble,
I think about you all day longAnd how you smile and sang that beautiful songYou saw it all didn't youYou knew they would fall apart like an old shoe
When my Great Grandmother was near death in the hospital
I was curious to see what an old person's butt looks like,
so I kept standing on my tippie toes to catch a see
Shadowy steps with fireworks in the sole of my shoes.No older than Michael Jordan’s 2nd championship,I stood knee deep in happiness.Still remembering apollo and balcony views.
I met old age
I stared it in the face
I saw the wrinkles
the falters
the loosenings and tightenings
I saw the laughlines
the care-worn hands
the thoughtful gleam
Apology Never Accepted Saba G Shah An old lady inside a white bedroom laying ontop of a light blue bed. Her glasses set upon a wooden table next to her while her arms are bruised from the needles and syringes forced inside her fragile body.
I suppose I’ll take better care of my nails from now on.
Your’s were always the perfect length
coated in pastel pinks
neatly curved like the edges of your smile.
Alzheimers stole my grandmother away, She grew worse each passing day, She needed help with all her care, From getting dressed to washing her hair, As her memory went we could only standby, Aggravated and hopeless and yes we would cry, My grandmot
I think I may like this girl
And I think she may like me too
With her short curly hair
That is ash blond and fair
And her eyes as green
As the sky is blue.
I think I’m in love with this girl
The room is covered with dust now, dust composed of all of the hair what degraded away dust composed of all the pills you took to make you feel okay dust...dust made of your will that was revoked, and forcefully taken away from you.
Walking down the street, the scent
Hit me, crawling its way up my nose,
Triggering the memories of her, and
The smell of the warm cake, followed
By the longing beep from the oven.
My name is Marisa and I exist here on earth.
All my life I've been told if you want something ask God first.
Some believe in you and some may not
I heard you're amazing
Well from what I've been taught.
Love is not a kiss and a hug. Love is expressed though a kiss and a hug.
Love is a treasure often kept close. It is more than an emotion, it gives hope.
