I absolutely need Love.
More than food and air, I thrive on love and attention.
Amare. Upendo. Renmen.
It drives me and motivates me to live life in a way that is pleasing to all that know me.
It consumes my waking thoughts, and drives me mad with impossible expectations for myself.
Every decision revolves around the love and approval that it will bring my way.
I crave smiles and acknowledgement, and to hear him say
"I love you."
Because I know that he loves me more than anyone else in the world at that moment.
Being the center of attention feeds my addiction.
And I don't want to let go. To let go of this feeling.
To keep on feeling like I'm perfect.
One person's praise, another one's compliment
And I feel myself rising.
Bubbles of light and adoration fill me, making me feel lighter than air
And above all pain in this life.
Nothing can hurt me when I know that I am adored and loved.
I take my place among the Gods of Mt. Olympus.
Until I'm falling, and falling fast.
I'm crashing and suffocating and dying under the stings of thousands of sharp words.
The criticism that should roll off my back is stuck there, and I can't stand under its weight.
Trying to hide the tears in my eyes, I try to keep my pain bottled inside.
I keep telling myself that I am stronger than this.
That I don't need the validation of others to feel complete.
Lies I tell myself, to build up a defensive wall to disgust.
Pretend each day that I'm okay, keep my head above water.
But the underhand insults are like heavy blows to my chest, and I can't shake them off.
The hate in their voices stifle me and I wonder how did I fall so far from their grace.
It's not enough to grow a thicker skin, because on the outside the skin is drying up
And the inside is wet with my tears.