staring there, always sitting around the stoops

and at night walking the streets for

hours

at times, moonlight seemed fake

to me, my own perception

and on the concourse i watched

everyone is still on the block getting high

cabs just blowing right by

a latino driver, and in the back

a latina mom and her kids

usually the young and angry one

once again, baby daddy didn't provide child support

and i was hardly charmed by the world

i could be like everybody else and

piss away my life

untouched

except for them whinos and drunks

they are always around the corners

making rounds of collecting plasic bottles and cans

very much resented

in giving me change so i don't strarve

they were either skinny or big

large and fearless

stared at me with eyes

that spoke

premeditation of death

 

women were beyond me

they saw something

that was depraving

there was this one waitress

older than me

she rather smiled

lingered when she brought me

a cup of water

that was plenty for me

that was enough

 

there was something about

the bronx, though

it never allow me to feel guilty

at the time

i had no feeling for the things

so many others needed

it let me alone

 

sitting in my room

laying in my bed

the lights out

hearing the outside

sounds

lifting my cheap

cherry kool aid drink as if i was drinking henessey

letting the cold

of the cherry enter me

as i heard more noise outsides

at that moment

i prefer to be alone

than being around people

 

being lost

being crazy maybe

is not so bad

if you can be that way

undisturbed

 

the bronx gave me that

nobody ever called my name

 

no phone

defintiely no car

no job

no anyhting

 

me and the drunks around the corner

and my youth

one time

that time

i knew

even though

the nothiness

change was coming

it was a celebration

of something not to do

but i knew