You say you'll always love me
You say you miss me
My laugh , My smile
Is it sad to say what you saw wasnt my reality?
I constantly pretended to be okay
I tried to convince myself I was, but I wasn't
I had thoughts of killing myself
Ending my life as I knew it
And from my experience it was shit
I kept pushing for my family and in the end they couldn't care less about me
I was a punching bag
Ever since I was a child
I never understood why I had to apologize for crying
In my eyes I never did anything wrong except try to explain myself
I felt like an outcast to my own family
We never did get along
I wanted to not be labeled crazy
Yet that's what i got
How would you feel if your family had their own definition of you
That you believed you were not
What's sad is that over time their words stick
You feel as though they are true
So what do you do?
You tell yourself everyday you are worthless and no one will love you
You are too much to handle.
You start holding everything in trying to break the mold they put you in
But over time you start to hold all your feelings in because they would treat you like before if you let them see
It all let's loose in time
So you let it build up, avoiding the thoughts and feelings
Because you learned early on what you said never mattered
Once you let go all they see is the crazy
Not the hurt or the shame
You were made to feel since day one
That is not you
That is a lie
You are not crazy
You are human
No matter what they say your feelings matter
You deserve to be here
The ones you loved failed you
And that's not your fault
It's time to love yourself and get rid of the thoughts of worthlessness that plague you
You deserve love and happiness
Even if it hurts so much to get you there