"Yeah, I was a pretty great ball player."
"Yeah, my parents take me and my friends to Florida every year."
"Yeah, I've never had to work a day in my life."
Sharp green eyes stare longingly across the table at me
Hungry for something that I feel slightly forced to give up
Even though my heart shutters and my mind vomits at the idea
Of letting my cat out of my bag if you know what I'm saying.
Especially to a prissy little school boy who's never known the troubles I've known
Seen the pain that I've seen
Felt the hurt that has plagued me day in and day out and day all around.
We sit in a dark theatre
Darker than my thoughts of chewing off my own arm
Just to escape this agony of sitting next to this boy.
He slides his arm around me and I shudder for the third time that night.
I long for the day when I will feel a man's touch and only want more
Instead of holding back tears because I don't want to do this. Not now. Not with him.
But everyone is telling me I must.
Mother says I'm getting too old to not have a boyfriend
That I need to lower my standards before I have to up my amount of domestic cats.
Father sits silently, though I know he fears that his little baby girl won't be able to provide for herself and needs a man to take of her when he can't anymore.
My friends gush about how lucky I am that "Green Eyes" noticed me
Laughed at my small jokes and thought my face was okay enough to ask out.
His words. Not mine.
So here I am with a boy who doesn't know what it's like
To have parents who let their addictions control their tempers
Or teachers who hit on him because of his precious little kitty.
Later that night he takes my gagging as the cat's meow
And decides to try to snatch it from my mouth.
I run from his car, instead of settling in his front seat, therefore settling for him.
Just because I'm inexperienced with sex
Just because I know nothing about relationships
Doesn't mean I don't know shit about what it means to love
I may never marry nor have children
I may never have my first kiss
But at least I can keep them locked away from little dancing Vienna sausages until my Prince Bratwurst comes along and rises to the occasion.
What's the matter, various males of the universe?
My comparing of your sex organs making you uncomfortable?
Yeah, I expected it would suck, just like you expected me to.